


Freshmen, First Quarter

by Ravensdawn



Series: Freshman Year [1]
Category: The Mentalist
Genre: College AU, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Two violent scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-30 02:18:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8514871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravensdawn/pseuds/Ravensdawn
Summary: Patrick Jane and Kimball Cho are assigned to be roommates their Freshman year of college.  This is the story of essentially the first half of the year of being college students.  Most of this is T rated until you get to New Year's Eve, Chapter 7.  That chapter is Rated E, decidedly E, you have been warned.





	1. September

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this got way longer than I thought and I'm not even done yet. It started as a simple light-hearted fake dating situation and has kinda gotten out of hand. It starts getting serious in December. It's entirely AU. Especially Jane's father. I didn't want to write him as the asshole he was, so I didn't.  
> I own none of these characters. I wish the people that did would write some more for us, oh well.
> 
> I'm declaring this story finished. I have plans for the rest of the year, but they'll go as part of this series instead.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Cho meet.

Being out to your family is one thing, they’re all carny folk anyway what do they care, but letting everyone at your college know was another thing entirely.  Patrick decided to not say a word, planned to never say a word about it.  Not until he had to.   Maybe it’ll never come up.  He’d never have a boyfriend anyway.  See, nothing to worry about.

Life has a way of screwing you over though.  Like assigning you to a dorm room with a guy that maybe the third sentence out of his mouth was, “I want to be upfront with you.  I’m gay.  I have a boyfriend. Sometimes, he’ll visit me here.”  And all of that came from a mouth that was topped by the deepest, brownest, dreamiest eyes Patrick had ever seen.  No, he did not just think, “dreamiest”, he’d never do that.

“Top or bottom,” Kimball Cho went on to ask him, then snickered at his own joke. But Patrick had gone ashen and had to clear his throat to ask, elegantly, “What?!” to which Kimball nearly fell over laughing.

“Couldn’t resist.  Straight guys are funny.  Do you want the top or bottom bunk?” Kimball was smiling.  Patrick was regaining his composure. 

“I don’t care, bottom, I guess,” he said surprising himself with a clear voice, “bottom bunk,” he added quickly.  Patrick was less concerned with bunk assignment than he was with his rapidly disappearing chance to fess up, too.  It was now or never, a perfect opportunity even, handed-to-him-on-a-silver- platter chance to tell this stranger than he’s gay, too.  He’d already made up his mind not to, though.  He wasn’t prepared.  He couldn’t do it. 

Patrick had all of one box and one suitcase with him.  The box had a few basics, like sheets and whatnot, so he got them out and started making his bed.  Now that he was making the bed, he was glad of his choice.  Making the upper bunk was going to be a pain.  He opened his suitcase and put his three pair of jeans and five shirts in the drawers, along with the new pack of unders he bought because his old ones were embarrassing.   He hung his two hoodies in the closet and put his toothbrush and razor and other stuff like that in the bathroom they shared with the room adjacent to them. 

“Shit” Kimball cursed.  He was struggling with the fitted sheet.  “Damn. Will you help me with this godforsaken sheet?”

“Sure, Kim”

“Don’t call me Kim.”

“What do I call you?”  The college, in its’ infinite wisdom, thought it would be friendlier to only put first names on the name badges everyone wore for orientation. 

“Cho”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Is that a nick name or something?”

“It’s my last name,” Cho said as if Patrick was an idiot for not knowing.

“I didn’t know that.  Your nametag says Kimball,” Patrick wasn’t going to be thought an idiot.  Because he wasn’t.  He was top of his class, thank you very much.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot the tag,” Cho looked down, “Sorry.  Hold that corner.”

Patrick did as requested, quietly observing his new roommate.  Unlike Patrick, Cho had come prepared.  He finished up with his bed and moved onto his boxes.  The first thing he pulled out of a box was a little microwave that he proceeded to plug in and set on top of the minifridge the college provided.

“You clean it after you use it and you’re welcome to it,” he said.

Patrick thought that was great and he said so.  Kimball, oh wait, _Cho_ , filled up the drawers with clothes, threw a bunch of pillows on his bed.  Patrick hadn’t even thought to bring a pillow.  It was on his mental list of things he really should get soon.  Along with a personal coffee maker so he could heat water for his tea.  In amongst the drawers and cabinets, there were two small desks built-in along the walls, each with their own chair.  Patrick and Cho sat win them when they were done moving in.

“You thought of everything, “Patrick commented.

“I’ve been planning for college since before I was a freshman in high school,” Cho said with a little pride.

“Oh”

“Haven’t you?”

“God no,” Patrick had to laugh.  “Didn’t think I’d even be going to college.  Wouldn’t be, except I got a scholarship.” Patrick looked up to see how Cho would take that bit of info. You never knew how people were going to react when they find out you spent much of your childhood dirt poor.

“I wouldn’t be here if my grandmother hadn’t started a college fund for me,” Cho, “my parents wouldn’t have been able to afford it.”

Patrick felt better hearing that.  He wasn’t ashamed of his family or his childhood.  He knew he belonged in college, it’s just that sometimes it’s easier to get along with people that come from similar backgrounds.  Not that he had any illusions that Cho had had a similar childhood to his.  His was what he like to think of as “unique”.  On the road with the show many months out of the year, having a tutor rather than going to school, working with the same kids the whole time.  Patrick had grown up all over the United States, the only home he knew was the mobile home he shared with his dad. He had no idea how Cho had grown up, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t like that.  He didn’t think he knew him well enough to ask.

Cho changed the subject anyway.  “Did you get your ID yet?”

“Yeah, I did all that stuff this morning,” Patrick said.

“Will you come with me and show me where it is?”

“Okay”

Though neither of them said anything, they both were glad to do something together, glad they seemed to be getting along. 

“So Pat…,” Cho started but Patrick stopped him.

“Oh no.  Not Pat, no one calls me that,” Patrick said gravely, because no one calls him that but his father and he wouldn’t either if Patrick could get him to stop.

Cho was a little taken aback, “Sorry.  I was just paying you back” Cho made a conciliatory face.

“Sorry, I’m touchy about that name.  Call me Patrick or Jane,” he said.

“Jane? You’d rather be called Jane than Pat?”  Cho was amused.

“It’s my last name.  See you didn’t know mine, either, “Patrick was glad to have proved his earlier point.

“I think I’ll go with PattyJane” Cho said teasingly.

“Don’t you dare.”

“What’s your middle name, Sue?”

“Stop it!”

“Lucy?” Cho was full on laughing now, Patrick was, too.

“Okay, _Kimmy_ ” Patrick teased back.

That stopped Cho.  “Alright, alright, we’ll go with me Cho,” pointing to himself, “you Jane” pointing to Jane, laughing it up.

“Sure, Kim, whatever you say,” Jane couldn’t resist one last jab.  Cho laughed and playfully shoved Jane. They headed over to the Student Council to get Cho his ID. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next couple of weeks were all classes and homework, laundry and sleep deprivation, a blur of adjusting to college life.  Patrick hadn’t eaten a proper meal in so long, he’d forgotten that people eat food that doesn’t come from a vending machine.  Cho was choosy about what he ate, but he hadn’t been doing much better.  They saw each other long enough to say good night and fight over who got the shower first in the morning. 

Patrick was majoring in psychology, and had joined a young magicians group on campus.  He got himself a job at the school library basically refiling stuff, but it was becoming clear to his boss that he was the one to send kids to who needed help navigating the stacks.  He had the Dewey Decimal system memorized and could find anything. 

Cho had a job in security at the local mall, the one he’d had as a senior in high school.   He was a tad overzealous, but the mall hadn’t been this incident-free in ages.  He’d earned the respect of the local teenagers by standing up for one of them when a shopkeeper accused them of stealing from their store.  Cho knew they were nowhere near that store and wouldn’t let them get in trouble for something they hadn’t done.  The shopkeeper was angry, and Cho wasn’t even rattled.  The group of kids had never seen anyone handle that guy like that and they were impressed.  In return, they didn’t give Cho any trouble.  He was studying criminology in school and volunteered at the local homeless shelter for a couple hours every Friday. 

Then one day Jane came into the room, in a hurry, like always, to find Cho sitting on his bed.  Cho’s head was in his hands and his shoulders were slumped. He lept up when Jane came in, kind of bumping his head on the top bunk, which he ignored, and stood, trying to think.  Jane saw he’d been crying and honestly, he didn’t know what to do.

“Cho?” Patrick said in his gentlest voice.

“Nothing.  It’s nothing” Cho said still without facing Jane.

“It’s not nothing.  Tell me,” Jane said.  Even though they’d been busy, they had found that they had lots in common and Jane considered Cho a friend.

“This isn’t your problem,” Cho said in one last effort to avoid talking about it.

“Please?” Jane tried. 

“My boyfriend just broke up with me.” Cho said and then was quiet.

Jane awkwardly patted Cho’s shoulder, shuffling a little closer to him. “I’m so sorry”

“Don’t.  Don’t pity me.”

“What happened?” Jane ignored the pitying thing, because it was blatantly not true.

“Oh, nothing, never mind,” Cho mumbled, trying not to talk.

Jane had never heard this Cho before.

“Okay” he said quietly.  Jane wanted to do something, though so he hugged Cho, who didn’t recoil, but he didn’t hug back, either.

“Well, that was awkward,” Jane decided to go for humor and silently thanked god it worked.  He laughed and Cho laughed, albeit halfheartedly.  “Homework can wait, let’s go to the café, maybe eat a meal with vegetables. We’ll talk about whatever you want,” Jane offered.

“Fine.  But I only have an hour.  I have to go to work,” Cho said.

“I’ll take it,” Jane said.

They ended up with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli and bread. It was the most either of them had eaten at once for what seemed forever and it was delicious.  They talked about their classes and traded anecdotes from work.  Jane told a story about a kid who’d never heard of the Dewey Decimal system, Cho told one of the drunk that got out of hand at the mall.  It was easy and fun, Cho had his guard down and Jane felt like he’d earned some new level of friendship.  He felt like he had granted Cho a new level too.  Cho found Jane so easy to talk to, and if pushed, he might admit he wasn’t hard on the eyes.  When he smiled, Cho felt like everything would be alright.

“Thanks. For this,” Cho said, standing up to go.

“It’s going to be alright, everything’s gonna be okay,” Jane stammered, he was nervous and he didn’t know why.

“I gotta go, you okay getting back on your own?” Cho asked, picking up on Jane’s anxiety.

“Yeah, I’m good.  See you tonight” Jane answered.


	2. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rigsby, the party and the day after.

After that, things went on as usual, but the two of them made more of an effort to share a meal more often.  Thursdays ended up being the day that they both had a half hour or so in the middle of the day to have lunch together.  Sunday evenings they often got a chance to have dinner together and hang out. Cho finally admitted that his boyfriend left him because he had prioritized doing well in college over the relationship.  He’d never, ever let his grandmother down.  Jane told of how he grew up with a traveling carnival, to share something too.

Halloween was right around the corner and the two of them couldn’t believe how much the college kids go over the top for the holiday.  It was like the Halloween fairy showed up sometime between September 30 and October 1st and exploded all over the campus.   Pumpkins, witches and ghosts were everywhere.  Sometimes it was hard to get through the door to a class for all the fake spider webs.  Kids dressed up all month. You couldn’t turn a corner without running into a mummy or something.  Even the faculty got into the spirit and one day your psych teacher might show up as a cat. Whiskers and all.  Jane and Cho got a kick out of mocking everything and rolling their eyes at everyone.  Free candy, though, there was that.

One afternoon there was a knock on the door.  Jane had so much homework he’d asked for the afternoon off and the two of them were diligently trying to get schoolwork done.  Jane opened the door and there was a clown and he was in no mood ( _a goddamned six foot tall clown for godsakes, with balloons and a fucking red nose_ ).  The clown was handing out flyers to a Halloween party that weekend. “Come to the party!” the clown shouted happily, bowing deeply while holding out said flyer.   Jane was about to slam the door when Cho spun around in his chair and nearly fainted inside.

“Rigsby?!” Cho stammered as he jumped out of his chair, “What are you doing here?!” Cho’s voice was unsteady and not happy. 

“Cho?” the clown was nearly as surprised as Cho.

Jane was looking between the two of them wondering what the hell.

“I said, what are you doing here,” this was not a question, it was a demand. He had found his voice.  Cho was standing now and had crossed his not insubstantial arms.  Rigsby the clown was a deer caught in the headlights.

“Oh my God, Cho, I didn’t know this was your room, I swear,” he said.  “You know Michael, right, he goes here, too, and he asked me to help him with this party, so I’m helping with the party and so I got dressed up to hand out the flyers, and so I’m handing out flyers so everyone comes to the party. I swear I wouldn’t have knocked on this door if I’d known it was you, “he said in a jumbled, anxious rush.

“So you’re not here for me?” Cho said more quietly. Jane saw the fleeting moment of disappointment on Cho’s face.  He was piecing together that Rigsby must be the ex.  Holy moly Cho must have been angry with this guy, Rigsby looked even paler than his white cake makeup. 

Jane stepped up, stuck out his hand and said, “Rigsby, it’s so good to meet you, Cho’s told me so much,” in his fakest politest voice, like one would use with an annoying business associate.

Rigsby had no idea what to do with that, so he took Jane’s hand.  That was a mistake for Rigsby.  Jane took his hand in both of his and held him there, shaking it. He leaned in and said, sweetly, right into Rigsby’s ear, “You’re gonna turn around and walk out right now,” then with menace, “or you’ll have me to deal with.”

Rigsby was all too happy to beat a retreat and moved as quickly as he could without looking like an idiot. Jane turned around to assess Cho and do damage control.  Cho looked dejected and Jane couldn’t stand it. 

“Not a word,” Cho said, spinning away from Jane in his chair, before Jane could figure out what to say.   Jane sat in his chair, pretty much just waiting to see what his friend would do next.   He was wiping his cheek where he accidentally got some of Rigsby’s make up on his face.  They sat there for several long moments.

“Go with me?” Cho said half way between statement and question.

“What?” Jane asked, startled to hear Cho speak.

“Go to the party with me.  Rigsby’s going to be there. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of keeping me away.” Cho explained.

“Um” Jane got a bit panicky. It wasn’t a date, Cho’d never ask him on a date.  But it felt like a date, a date meant to make an ex jealous.  Jane hesitated.

“It’s not a date,” Cho said, reading Jane perfectly.

“I know,” Jane was defensive, “but it sounds like a date.  It sounds like you want to make Rigsby jealous because you know he’s going to be there with Michael,” Jane said, not to be outdone in the reading each other category.  “Not that I’m not all for it, I only want to know if that’s what we’re really doing.”

Cho had the decency to look a little sheepish.  Then he got a conspiratorial look on his face and a positively evil look in his eye.  “That’s exactly what we’ll be doing,” he said confidently. 

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Jane said, clapping his hands together.  He’ll never forget the smile he got from Cho for agreeing to go with him.

Jane realized later that he’d let yet another golden opportunity to tell Cho he was gay fly right past him. Dammit.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The day of the party came and the two were trying out their costumes.  Jane wore a three-piece suit and his curls were slicked back with hair goo.  Cho had on a black suit, black tie, dark sunglasses, and an ear piece thingy to complete the outfit.  He looked intimidating and mysterious. _And hot_ , Jane thought but tried not to.

“What are you supposed to be?” Cho asked, “a preacher?”

“A psychic, of course, I can even do the cold reading,” Jane said proudly.

“Cold reading?”

“You are extremely intelligent, but your parents didn’t care, as long as you brought home straight A’s on your report card, went to church and made them look like good parents.  Looking for acceptance, you joined a gang, and you were their go-to guy.  If they needed something done, _anything_ , you could be counted on. You got things done, never got caught, and moved up the ranks, on your way to the top of the hierarchy.  But something happened, something terrible, and you ran from the gang, never to look back.  Even with your years in the gang and everything you had to do for them, you graduated at the top of your class. Your grandmother begged you to go away for college and you would have gone cross country if it weren’t for your concern for her safety.  As it is, you constantly check over your shoulder for gang members wanting to drag you back in.  Criminology is your way of making up.  That’s a cold reading,” Jane said.

Cho tried his best not to look shocked or hurt or any of the other emotions he was feeling.  He hadn’t told Jane any of that.  He felt exposed after working so hard to keep those things hidden. That was his past and Jane had no right.  He didn’t say a word. He turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door.  Jane took a moment to react, then ran after him. Cho was already all the way down the hall, a Man in Black on a mission.

“Cho! Cho come back!” Jane yelled.  Other kids were noticing though, so he stopped making a scene. He couldn’t decide whether to follow Cho or give him space.  Since Cho had run off, he decided on giving him space.  He went back in their room and texted his friend.

 _I’m sorry, so sorry Cho, please come back_. 

No response.

_Please?_

No response again.

_Please, Cho, please come back and talk to me. Or tell me where you are, I’ll come to you, please._

Getting no response again, Patrick sat at his desk and wondered what to do. He guessed he’d wait.  Wait was all he could do.  He got out his laptop, opened one of his textbooks, but he couldn’t concentrate.  Just a bunch of words on a page, stupid words on a stupid page.

He was going to give Cho a couple hours, he was, but after 15 minutes he couldn’t stand it.  He had to go looking for him.  Then he decided to keep to his original idea and wait and give Cho time. Stuck between not being able to study and not being able to leave, he paced between the chair and the door.  Finally, he told himself he wasn’t accomplishing anything in the dorm room, he might as well go find Cho and apologize.  He swung open the door, and there was Cho, standing there like he’d been waiting for Jane to open the door.

In fact, he had been standing there hesitating, trying to figure out what he’d say.  He was embarrassed that he left like that.  He wished he could do it over, that he had stayed, and now he didn’t know what to do.

“Cho!” a startled Jane let his relief show a little more than he’d ever have wanted to.  He opened his arms and pulled Cho into a big hug.  Cho couldn’t help it, he hugged back.

“I’m sorry, Jane, I shouldn’t have left,” Cho whispered.

“No, I should never have said all that.  Always getting into trouble with my big mouth,” Jane whispered back.

For the second time that day, they were causing a scene in the hallway.  The other kids were all gaping at the roommates hugging each other.  They decided to go into the room and shut the door, to several raised eyebrows.

“Remember I told you about the carnival? Well when I was a kid, my dad was a mentalist, a psychic.  He would read people and pretend to speak to their dead relatives.  He was quite good at it and he taught me everything he knew.  Everybody wanted to see the kid who could speak to the dead, The Boy Wonder Who Sees All.   That was me.” Jane was looking down.  “I never should have read you like that.  I’m so sorry.”

“I felt exposed,” Cho started, “you had no right.  How did you know all that?”

“Does it really matter?” Jane sounded so sad.

“Am I really that transparent?

“No. You’re not.  You’re incredibly difficult to read.” Jane said as a matter of fact.  “Not sure I could have if I didn’t live with you, and I’m really really good.” He wasn’t being conceited, he was telling the truth.

“So not as cold a reading as advertised.  You were still spot on. A little too spot on, “Cho looked away.  “Look I did some things as part of the gang that I am not proud of. I’m lucky not to be in jail. I’m not going into it.”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t know what else to say,” Jane said thinking he may have ruined anything between him and Cho.   Then to Jane’s surprise Cho stepped over to him and hugged him close.

“It’s ok,” Cho told Jane. “I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“You didn’t, “Jane assured him.

“Let’s go make my ex jealous,” Cho said with a smile.

“I have to tell you something before we go,” Jane said seriously.  “I,” he hesitated, “I’m gay, Cho. I’m gay and I should have told you.”

“I know,” Cho said.

“What?!” Jane asked.

“You think you’re the only one who can read people?” Cho smiled to take away the sting.

Jane stood and stared at Cho with a new admiration. “Yeah, let’s go get him,” Jane said, smiling back.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

College kids in all manner of costumes were dancing to the loudest music Cho had ever heard when they arrived at the Halloween party. It was at an off-campus McMansion. The kids had spilled out onto the lawn, which the hosts had turned into a gory cemetery.  The dead raising out of coffins, overturned gravestones and zombies, all surrounded by a dry-ice fog.   Cho and Jane looked at each other, took a deep breath, and set off with determination.

Inside the music, _if you could call it that,_ Jane thought, was deafening.  Literally.  Strobe lights flashed to the beat and everything seemed to be in motion. They fought their way through the crowd in search of something to drink, finding the keg in the middle of a mob of kids.  They still managed to get their red cup and their illegal beer and find a relatively quiet place out on the porch to drink it.  Glenda the Good Witch draped them with black and orange bead necklaces with shot glasses hanging from them.  “Happy Halloween,” she said in a fairly good Glenda impression and off she went to spread her Halloween cheer. An angel, with wings and a halo floated over to give them little bags of M&M’s because chocolate was “heavenly”.  They saw Dracula handing out glow sticks and headed over to get some, because glow sticks are always cool.  They cracked the sticks and shook them to make them glow, waving them around to watch the color trails.

“Let’s find what supposed to go in these shot glasses,” Cho said hopefully.  They plunged back into the fray. They were momentarily swallowed by the crowd and it was either dance or die.  They chose dance, hopping up and down to the beat and doing silly moves all while trying to keep the beer in their cups, or their mouths. It became a contest to see who could make whom laugh the most.  They both lost.  Working their way across to what looked like a makeshift bar and table of goodies, Jane realized Rigsby had been watching them.  It was perfect.  He and Cho were having a great time and it wasn’t even a show only for Rigsby’s eyes.  Is there a better way to make someone jealous than by honestly having fun with someone else?  Jane didn’t think so. 

They found the tequila and each took a shot.  That’s when they learned that both had had experience with alcohol since they were far too young.  They made eye contact to communicate that understanding.  They each had another shot and started to move away.  Jane picked up a pastry wrapped mummy-fied hot dog for each of them and handed one to Cho.  “Put something in your stomach,” he said simply.  Cho bit the head off his hot dog when Rigsby the Clown, who was well on his way to inebriated, sauntered up.

“You made it!” he shouted to be heard.

“Clearly,” Cho said without emotion.

“Don’t be like that.  Not tonight.  Can’t we get past this, be friends at least?” he had to lean close to Cho’s ear to not be screaming their personal life for everyone to hear.  “I miss you,” he whispered.

Jane was shocked, but Cho responded to Rigsby’s closeness. Cho was trying to cover, but he clearly melted. They were chatting now. There was an ease between them, one in which personal space wasn’t even considered. The conversation was stilted, but it sure looked like they were making up.

Jane stared. He went back for more tequila.   He was on board for making Rigsby jealous, not to get them back together.  It hadn’t even occurred to him it was a possibility.  _Idiot. What did you think would happen?_

Suddenly a loud noise exploded out on the lawn.  Jane turned to see what the hell and headed out of the house, thinking maybe it would be safer outside.  He hated it, but in the back of his head all the latest terrorist bombings loomed. Everyone else seemed to be thinking the same thing and there was a push to get out. He was swallowed up by the crowd, but he turned to see if he could find Cho. Cho was holding Rigsby’s hand, leading him out of the house.  Jane was inexplicably sad. _Not so inexplicable_ , he thought to himself.

Turns out some asshole had brought fireworks and was setting them off on the front lawn.  Of all the illegal things going on at the house that night, this was the one that got them police attention. As the sirens drew closer, Jane ran. He didn’t look back for Cho.  He wants to be with Rigsby, they can get themselves out. Jane had to remind himself again that the whole point of coming to this party was Rigsby. It was never a date with Cho.  He can’t be angry about it now.

Jane got to his dorm room and collapsed on his bed.  All tolled, he’d had four shots of tequila and three red cups of beer and that was more than he’d had for a long time.  He passed out, three piece suit and all. 

Cho had looked for Jane everywhere and couldn’t find him.  He looked for him so much Rigsby had gotten irritated with him.  To make up for that, Cho had pulled him into a quiet spot and kissed him. They made out for several minutes when Cho stopped to ask if they were back together.  Rigsby nodded and purred a “yes” in Cho’s ear.  Cho had to ask about Michael. He was feeling a little tipsy but he asked anyway.  Did he and Rigsby go back to the tequila?  He couldn’t remember.

“Michael?” Rigsby asked.

“Yeah, I thought you were with Michael now,” Cho answered honestly.

“Nah, we’re just friends.”

“Good,” Cho said and kissed him soundly.

They went to Rigsby’s, well it was Mike’s room, but Rigsby was staying over. More than kissing happened there.  More than Cho had planned happened there. It’s hard to stick to a plan when you’re tipsy.  It was hard to stick to a plan when you were right about your ex, and he hadn’t stopped loving you like he yelled at you that he had, or that he was being a child wanting attention, that you were being responsible putting your education first and that breaking up was all his fault. 

He startled awake a couple hours later completely disoriented.  His head hurt.  His butt hurt. He sat up. _Oh. My. God. I slept with a clown. Shit._ He lifted up to get himself out of bed and bashed his head on the top bunk. _I have got to stop doing that_. Now his head hurt in more ways than one.  He fumbled himself out of bed, crawling over a sleeping, naked Rigsby, put on his pants, gathered his things, and left. 

Ok, there are walks of shame and there are Walks of Shame and Cho’s was epic. He hadn’t put on his shirt or jacket, he was carrying them in a heap along with his shoes, covering his chest.  He had thrown his loosely tied tie around his neck as he padded down the halls in bare feet. There was clown make up where clown make up never should be.  His mouth was smeared circus red and there were black smudges on his ears and one really noticeable one right above his hip. The nape of his neck was streaked with white and blue. At least he’d managed to keep track of his sunglasses. Most people were sleeping, but a few gave him some passing glances. _I’ll just confess to murdering a clown, fuckit if go to jail._

He finally got to the room he shared with Jane.  He thanked his lucky stars that Jane was both home and asleep.  He found a passable sweatshirt and threw it on.  As he was going to climb onto the top bunk, he realized Jane still had his shoes on.  His shoes and his three-piece suit.  He carefully took off the shoes, tucked his feet under the blankets and smoothed everything out so Jane was all covered up.  Jane stirred a little and Cho froze until he was back to sleep. 

Cho had never been so glad to lie down in his bed in is life. He’d deal with tomorrow, tomorrow, _but it’s after midnight_ , he argued with himself, so he’d deal with today, today, later, whatever. He shut his eyes and the day was over, thank god.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Never a good sign, waking up in pain.  Jane hurt. His head was three sizes too big.  It was threatening to get bigger.  He tried to lift his hands to keep his head attached and even that hurt.  Not even gonna attempt opening his eyes, Jane tried turning onto his side, wrapping the pillow around his head.  Slightly better, he willed himself back to sleep.

Cho wished he’d never been born.  He didn’t remember eating something small and furry, but his mouth sure felt like he had.  He had sandpaper in his eyes, and when he opened them, the light was like an ice pick to the brain.  If it weren’t for his tummy doing flips, he never would have gotten up. He desperately didn’t want to throw up in bed.  Moving slowly to keep the ocean waves at bay, he crept down the ladder and into the bathroom.  His stomach was all too happy for the opportunity to empty itself out.  He sat back on his heels, waiting, tore some toilet paper off the roll and wiped his mouth, vomited some more.  Damn it burned.  That’s when Cho noticed the red makeup on the toilet paper he was using to wipe his mouth.  A vague memory of Rigsby and sex floated through his brain. He rolled his eyes back and shut them in disappointment.  That was when Jane stumbled in.

“Oh my god, Cho, are you alright?” Jane asked, not looking all that great himself. The hair gel he’d used had created the craziest case of bed head Cho had ever seen. If he wasn’t so miserable, he would have laughed. Jane’s shirt had come untucked and his belt was undone and his eyes were small slits open barely enough to see. He was rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“No,” Cho answered simply.

Jane wobbled his way to the minifridge and got a bottle of water and two cups.  He slid down to sitting with his back against the tub, setting the bottle and cups down next to him.  It was an effort but he managed to get the water bottle open _what were they making these stupid caps out of these days anyway_ and poured a little into each cup.

“Here, take small sips,” he said to Cho.  They sat in silence drinking their water.  “Do you think you’re done puking?”

Cho nodded his head. He shifted so that he was sitting with his back against the wall.  Jane leaned over and flushed the toilet. That’s when he got a good look at Cho.  You didn’t have to be a genius to get what had happened.  Jane rolled over and reached for a clean washcloth.  He used the spigot in the tub to get it soaking wet with hot water, put a dab of body wash on it, then rung it out so it wouldn’t drip.  He turned back and handed it to Cho. Cho dejectedly took it, but he didn’t use it.  Jane hesitated, but he couldn’t stand seeing Cho smeared with all that make up.  He took the cloth slowly so Cho could object if he wanted. 

Jane gently started cleaning Cho’s face.  He started at his ear.  Then he removed the white smudge along his jawline and moved on to the black mark above Cho’s eye. Cho was quiet, unmoving.  He was going to start on the red all over Cho’s mouth, but he saw a tear run down Cho’s cheek. He set the cloth on the floor and quietly wrapped his arms around his friend. Cho was devestated.  He was in physically in pain, his stomach felt turned inside out, and he could still feel that’d he’d had sex last night.  He was emotionally a wreck. He felt foolish for doing what he’d done, and scared that he had somehow messed up his friendship with Jane at the same time.  He indulged in the comfort Jane was offering, fell into his arms and cried.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok, it’ll be alright,” Jane said in his gentle voice. 

“I slept with him, Jane,” Cho said as if that explained everything.

“You love him.  I saw.  He loves you, I saw that, too.  Love and affection, they’re the best reasons for sleeping with someone. There’s not a better one,” Jane reassured him.

“Are you mad at me?” Cho had to know. He snuffled a little.

“I was last night, but only for a minute. I thought we were making Rigsby jealous.  You didn’t tell me you wanted to get back together with him.”

“I didn’t.  I mean I didn’t plan to,” Cho shook his head at himself.

“I believe you.  I wish you’d warned me it was a possibility.  But like I said, I was only angry until I saw you two together.  Then I knew,” Jane was trying to be conciliatory.  He was hurt because last night turned from something they were doing together, to something Cho and Rigsby were doing together.  He didn’t know how to explain that without sounding petty, so he didn’t say anything.  Besides, the heart wants what the heart wants and Cho’s wanted Rigsby, or at least that’s what it looked like.

“Oh, God, I have to break up with him,” Cho said, sitting up but still staying close.

“What?!” Jane was completely surprised. “I thought you loved him”

"He’s not the one for me, Jane.  I keep thinking he is, but he isn’t.  You have no idea of the crap he’s pulled.  Don’t look at me like that,” Cho interrupted his own story to grumble at Jane. “You’ve never said one word about past relationships.”

Jane had the decency to look reprimanded.

“Let’s just say he has a problem with jealousy and I have a problem not being trusted,” Cho explained.  “Even last night he got jealous when I tried to find you.”

“You tried to find me?” Jane asked, trying to ignore the skip of his heartbeat.

“Yeah, you were gone. I looked everywhere,” Cho admitted. “Then Rigsby got pissy and I appeased him and….“ Cho hesitated, “I made the wrong choice.”

“What would have been the right choice?” Jane looked up and met Cho’s eyes. There were several long moments of intense eye contact.

Looking exhausted, Cho disengaged himself from Jane and made a mostly successful attempt to stand.  He reached out a hand to help Jane up and between the two of them and lots of bumping into each other a few close calls where they almost ended up of the floor, eventually they were both standing. 

“I need a shower,” Cho said.

“Well, when you lie down with clowns….” Jane grinned at Cho, ” …..you come up with grease.”  

“You suck,” Cho responded.

“You love me, you know it,” Jane teased.

“You wish,” Cho laughed. “Oh, no, don’t make me laugh, it hurts” Cho whined.

“Tell me about it,” Jane commiserated, putting a hand to his head.

They took turns in the shower.  Cho made coffee while Jane was taking his. He emptied the pot into his thermos, cleaned it out, and poured water back through for Jane’s tea.  He got out Jane’s favorite mug and stuck an English Breakfast tea bag in the cup.  He decided to wait to pour the water, Jane was particular about that. 

They were supposed to go to work, but they both called in, neither of them were in any shape. They sat in silence, drinking their hot drinks. 

“Will you wait here while I go talk to Rigsby? Can we hang out today? Order pizza or something?” Cho asked.

“Sounds perfect. I’m not going anywhere. My plan is to nurse this hangover and hope for a better tomorrow.” Jane’s curls were still damp from the shower, they made his blue eyes sparkle.

“Ok, I’ll be right back,” Cho picked up his phone and there were 11 messages from Rigsby. Cho sighed.

While Cho was gone, Jane downloaded Ghostbusters and Die Hard onto his laptop.  He pulled the quilts off their beds and made a spot on the floor for them.  He piled all the pillows they had against the wall and laid out the blankets. He hoped Cho would come back. He was testing out the spot, resting his eyes, when Cho came home. Jane was so relieved, but he didn’t say anything.

He came in with a grocery bag full of microwave popcorn, Gatorade and generic Advil.  He also got a bag of Halloween candy because it was cheap. 

“Jane, you’re the best.  This is awesome” Cho said, taking in the little nest with the laptop placed on a stack of books so they could see it.

“Look who’s talking.  You brought everything we need,” Jane responded.

Cho set about popping some of the popcorn.  He set the bottles of Gatorade by the blankets and tossed the candy and ibuprofen down to where they could reach. Jane couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Cho, you know what.”

“It’s done. We’re over.”

“And?”

“And nothing.”

That was all Cho was going to say on the topic and Jane let it drop.  They’d had enough heart to heart for one day.  They got under the blankets, snuggled into the pillows and Jane clicked play on the movie.


	3. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving, when we meet Alex Jane.

 November kept rolling along.  Heading into the end of the first quarter was accompanied by papers, exams and projects.  Jane and Cho found themselves spending any free time they had together in their room, even if it was merely doing homework together.  There was a surprising bit of cross over between the two disciplines of criminology and psychology.  They were coming at the same type of information from different angles.  Their discussions helped clarify and solidify what they needed to learn, and they occasionally ran late into the night, occasionally got heated.  The two friends always managed to find common ground to end on and they cherished those discussions.  It didn’t need to be said.

 

“Dad, no, I can’t” Jane was on the phone when Cho came home one afternoon. Jane paused while he listened to his dad on the other end of the phone.  “No, c’mon, that’s not fair,” Jane argued.  Then he saw Cho and turned around and whispered into the phone. “Fine, I’ll ask him. I gotta go,” he said, irritated.  He turned around and looked guiltily at Cho.

“What,” Cho stated with suspicion.

“I need a favor, but you’re not going to like it,” Jane started.

“I’ll help you if I can.  You know that.”

“Well, part of it you’ll like, but another part you won’t.” Jane hedged.

“Spit it out.”

Jane bit his lip and sighed.  “Will you come to my Dad’s for Thanksgiving?”

“That’s an invitation.  Not a favor.”

“I need you to come,” Jane’s voice pitched up like he was asking a question.

“Okay.  We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, could be fun,” Cho said.  Then he added, “What’s the catch?”

Jane opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.  He put up a hand with a “one minute” gesture. He took a breath and opened his mouth again, “Um” was all he could say.  He was struggling, and Cho offered no help whatsoever.  He stood there wondering at his antics.

“I kinda told him you were my boyfriend and now he wants to meet you and he’s not taking no for an answer,” he said it quickly as if Cho might not be mad if he said it fast enough.

“You WHAT?!” he figured he should go with mad, it seemed to be what Jane was expecting. Internally, though, his stomach was doing flips with excitement, and other things.

“I told you you wouldn’t like it,” Jane reminded him.  “Dad was taunting me for being single. We were having a heated discussion. He accused me of having no life after I criticized how isolated he’s gotten lately.  I caved and lied. It’s as simple as that.  I’m sorry. Could you do this for me, please?  Just come Thursday and Friday, and pretend to be my boyfriend. Pleeeeeeeeeease, I will so owe you,” Jane was not above begging.

Cho got a devilish look in his eye, “you know, this could be fun,” he said with a grin.

“What do you mean?” Jane looked nervous.

“I’ll come with you. You’ll find out what I mean later,” Cho teased.

Jane stood lost in thought. Warring thoughts. _Dammit_. _Those impish brown eyes will be the end of me. He agreed to come! This is so not a good idea. His smile is killing me. I think I’m in trouble. We shouldn’t do this. God I want to do this. Dad’s gonna see right through us. We’re going to have to be very good. What do boyfriends do? Touching, hugging, kissing…..oh shit._

“Jane?” Cho asked, snapping Jane out of it.

“Just thinking.  You know what, forget it, it’s not a good idea. My Dad will know. I don’t know. We’ll have to be perfect.  If we get caught, I’ll have so much more explaining to do, I might as well confess my lie right now. It will save me grief in the long run,” Jane was nervously rambling, “It was a stupid idea. We’d never pull it off…”

Cho stepped over to Jane, held his face, tilted his head and kissed him. It started slow, Jane didn’t react. Well, he did, but his reaction was to freeze. He was trying to discern if this was his reality, or he’d fallen thru a portal to an alternate one. His brain stuttered to a stop.  Cho was persistent.  He took full control over the kiss and got Jane to open up.  Once Jane got with the program, he kissed Cho back. He let himself fall into the kiss. Cho’s lips were soft and strong. _His hands, God, his hands_. The sweetest sensations were running up and down his spine.  _Yup, I’m in trouble_.

Cho stepped back looking proud of himself. “See, we can totally fake it” he said. “No problem.”

Jane’s heart dropped to his stomach. Cho was faking.  _Christ what would it be like if he weren’t?_ Jane desperately wanted to find out. He also wanted to kiss that smug look right off Cho’s face, but he didn’t.  He cleared his throat and gathered himself. “Um, yeah.  That was perfect.  We do that once around my Dad and he’ll get off my back.” Jane pretended he had faked it, too. How crazy is his life that he’s faking faking things.  What he didn’t catch was that Cho, the master at covering his true feelings when he wanted to, was dying inside just as much as Jane.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jane and Cho took the bus on Thanksgiving morning and got to Jane’s Dad’s around noon.  The house was a one-story bungalow in the craftsman style.  The yard was a little overgrown, paint peeling a bit, but otherwise looked cared for.  The porch had a couple chairs and wooden boxes repurposed as side tables.  One rocker had cushions and a blanket.  Next to it, one of the box tables had a stack of paperbacks on it with a pair of reading glasses.  A floor lamp arched over the chair and extension cord ran along the floor around the door jamb and into the house.  They let themselves in and were met with the homiest of all aromas – a home cooked meal.  There was turkey and potatoes and apple pie.  Jane was impressed with his dad; he did all of that for them.

“Patrick!” his Dad said, turning around from the stove.  He came over and Jane jumped into his arms for a hug.  “So good to see you!  Now, introduce me to your friend.”

“Dad, this is Kimball Cho.  But don’t call him Kimball, he doesn’t like that,” Patrick said, “Call him Cho”.

Cho put out his hand to shake, but Alex Jane was having none of that and pulled Cho into a bear hug.  “Any friend of Patrick’s, well, they’re family,” he said warmly. 

Cho smiled despite himself.  He saw where Jane got his smile.  “Thanks, Sir,” he said.

“Oh, no, call me Dad or Alex, but please, not Sir,” Alex explained.

“Okay,” Cho said, he hadn’t decided what to call him.

Patrick picked up the bag of groceries he had bought to contribute to the next couple days and set it on the counter.  He grabbed his bag and Cho’s and headed toward the bedroom he used when he came to visit.  Cho’s eyebrows went to his hairline when he saw the queen size bed. He hadn’t thought. But if Jane wasn’t going to flinch over sleeping in the same bed, there was no way he was going to. They sat on opposite sides of it.

“You don’t have to call him Dad”

“Yeah, that’d be weird, even if I was your boyfriend,” Cho said. Jane did flinch at that, but Cho didn’t see, he was lost in his own thoughts.  “I like him, though.  Down to Earth.”

“Thanks, we’ve had our differences, but on the whole we get along,” Jane said.  “C’mon, let’s get some nog,” Jane offered.

Cho smiled and off they went.  After that it was stirring gravy, setting the table, pouring wine.  The table was piled with mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, turkey, stuffing, green beans and rolls. They gathered round and dug in.  They chatted about work and dorm life and all was fine until Alex asked what Cho was majoring in.

 “Criminology. I want to be an FBI agent” he said.

“Wow, that’s ambitious. You got yourself a good one, Patrick,” Alex teased.

“Dad, don’t embarrass me.”

But Cho reached across the table and took Jane’s hand. “It’s okay, Hunny, you did get yourself a good one,” he said while the corner of his mouth turned up. 

“You’re right, Munchkin, I did,” Jane turned his hand so he could hold Cho’s even firmer.

“Ohhhhkay then,” Alex said pushing away from the table. Help me clear this up.  We’ll have pie while we watch the end of the game.”

Jane and Cho let go of each other’s hands, got up and started clearing the table.  Alex busied himself putting away the left overs.  Jane emptied the dishwasher while Cho rinsed the plates to be put in it, stacking them neatly on the counter.  Cho went out of his way to make contact with Jane.  He got a little too close or put a hand on Jane’s shoulder when reaching for something. He rubbed their hips together while standing side by side at the sink.  Jane knew exactly what he was doing and gave him a warning glance. Cho just grinned that evil grin of his and ran his hand from Jane’s shoulder to wrist. Jane gave him another exasperated look.

Cho got right up next to him and whispered in his ear, taunting, “What’s the matter Jane, aren’t I supposed to be your boyfriend?” Jane did his level best not to let his reaction to that show on his face. Jane glanced at his Dad, who he knew was catching all of this, whether he was looking at them or not. Jane put down the dish he had and left the kitchen. Cho followed.

“What are you doing?!” Jane accused when they were in the next room. “He’s gonna know if you keep that up, I’m never that touchy-feely!” He was whispering so his Dad wouldn’t hear.

“Well perhaps you should have told me that,” Cho whispered his response, “Just doing what you asked.”

“Well, stop it,” Jane said firmly.  He was upset.  More upset than Cho would have expected from a little teasing.  He was looking down at his feet and his arms were crossed over his chest.

“Jane, what’s wrong?” Cho asked him even more quietly, but Jane just turned his head and looked away. He knew by now that if he just gave Jane a moment, he’d tell him.

“Why do you think I lied to my dad about you anyway? It’s because I’ve never had a real boyfriend, anything that lasted.  He thinks….he thinks I’m a screw up when it comes to relationships and he’s not wrong.  No one stays with me. I haven’t had a third date since school started and that’s not for the lack of asking.  For once I wanted him to see I had got a “good one”, even if it was fake. And you’re making a joke of it.”

“I’m not making fun of you, Jane,” Cho spoke truthfully.  Jane finally made eye contact with Cho and so much was said in that long glance.  No matter what was going on, Jane always felt reassured when he looked into Cho’s eyes, even if they were at conflict with each other.

Then Cho tried to lighten the mood by saying, “C’mon, I’ll try to keep my hands off you. No promises.”

Jane was confused and it was all his fault.  He wanted Cho to keep his hands on him. He wanted Cho to do more than that with his hands. And yet, he’d just asked him, demanded that he do the opposite because of the situation. He knew Cho didn’t want to be his boyfriend.  He’d had plenty chances to take their relationship further if he’d wanted to.  Jane wanted that so badly, and now he was doing what he always did. Manipulating circumstances to get what he wants, then getting angry at Cho when he was merely trying to help him with his plan.  _I truly am a screw up when it comes to relationships_.

“I never should have suggested this, Cho, I’m sorry,” Jane said.

“I’m having a great time.  Dinner was great. Your Dad is great. I’m glad you invited me,” Cho didn’t know what else to say.

“Go back with Dad. I have to go to the bathroom” Jane was still upset with himself. He’d gotten in over his head and didn’t know how to get out.  Yet. 

 

“This ice cream is as solid as rock,” Alex complained. 

“Zap it.” Cho said, helpfully.

“That’ll just melt it,” Alex countered.

“You use the defrost.  Here I’ll do it,” Cho offered.

“Oh, hey, Jane.  Your boyfriend’s showing me how to handle ice cream,” Alex greeted Jane happily when he came back to the kitchen.

“He’s useful, I’ll give him that,” Jane walked over to the microwave and patted Cho on the back.  This earned him a questioning look from Cho which only got worse when Jane leaned in and pecked him on the cheek.  While he was there, he whispered, “you were right, I’m sorry.” Then he smiled that smile of his that lit up the room.  Cho felt it in his gut.

They put big slabs of pie and perfectly softened vanilla on their plates and took them with their tea and coffee to settle in front of the TV to watch the end of the game.  Cho and Jane were on opposite ends of the couch with their legs toward the middle and Alex in the big comfy chair.  They watched the game alternately groaning at the TV and cheering. After the game, the network showed “Scrooged” so they watched that too.  At some point, Jane decided boyfriends would cuddle so he opened his arms in invitation. Cho scooted around and laid against Jane. Jane put his arm over Cho’s shoulder, resting his head on Cho’s head. Cho made a choice and kissed Jane, just a simple polite kiss.  It was nice, a little weird, but nice. Cho saw Alex look over at them, but he didn’t say anything.

The next thing Jane knew was his Dad gently shaking his shoulder telling him that they should go to bed and asking if he should make up the couch.  Jane was relieved (sort of) to have an out for sleeping in the same bed. 

“Yeah, let Cho have the bed,” Jane said, sitting up to wake up Cho, “Just leave me a blanket and a pillow. I like the couch.”

“You sure?” Cho said, sleepily. He stood up and stretched and said good night when Jane nodded in answer.

“Night, Cho,” Jane yawned. Cho glanced at Jane but went to the bedroom, a little relieved, a little disappointed.

Jane snuggled into the couch and was back to sleep even before his Dad covered him in a blanket.

Cho, on the other hand, tossed and turned. He tried his right side, then his left.  On his back, on his tummy.  Nothing worked.  He lectured himself. _Just go to sleep_. His eyes wouldn’t even stay closed.  _Damn, I never should have had coffee with the pie_. Trying to rationalize that his sleeplessness had nothing to do with being at Jane’s house and the game they’d been playing all day which had turned into the emotional rollercoaster he was afraid it was going to be.   His tired brain came up with another rationalization and a plan. _I haven’t slept without Jane in the room for months,_ he told himself.  _I’m going to get him_.  Seemed like a good plan.  He tip-toed out to the couch.

He let himself appreciate, just for a minute, how beautiful Jane was in his sleep.  He was relaxed like he’d never had a problem in his life.  His curls, _Oh God those blond curls_ , were everywhere. Cho smiled and sighed at his stupid self.  _Should have had more courage, should have told Jane I’d do this, but only as his real boyfriend,_ he chastised himself in his thoughts.  _If Jane really wanted me for a boyfriend, he would have said.  He wanted this. I took what I could get. Stupid._ He almost gave up on his plan, but then he crouched down and put his hand on Jane’s shoulder to gently wake him. He whispered, “Jane, Jane.” 

Jane opened his eyes and grumbled.  “Whhahdht?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“So?!”

“Come with me.”

“Where?” Jane had no idea what was going on.

“Bed.  I think I can’t sleep because I’m used to having you in the room,” Cho explained.  It had sounded like a good plan, but saying it out loud seemed a little too close to home, more intimate.

Half asleep, Jane got up and obediently went with him.  They climbed into bed, Jane on his stomach with his hand under his pillow, Cho on his side facing away from Jane.  Jane fell back to sleep pretty quickly. Cho listened to him breathe, and that was it, that was what was missing.  He closed his eyes and drifted off.   

 

The morning arrived late with Jane and Cho completely entangled. They had scooched to the middle of the bed, Cho’s head was buried in the crux of Jane’s arm and shoulder.  Jane was on his side and his arm and leg were thrown over Cho.  One of Cho’s legs was between Jane’s and he had a handful of Jane’s shirt.  Cho opened his eyes and saw a wall of that shirt.  In shock, he shoved back out of Jane’s embrace and inadvertently woke Jane in the process.  Jane sat up, too, pushing back to sit up against the headboard. They took a minute to digest their surroundings and the fact that they were in bed together and had been wrapped up in each other.

“Morning” Jane mumbled.

“Hey,” Cho grunted back. 

They stretched and yawned.  “Takin a shower,” Cho stated firmly and stood up.

“Who says you get to go first?” Jane argued.  This was familiar territory.  Arguing over the shower.

“I’m the guest,” Cho stated as if this would end the argument.

“We’re both guests here,” Jane continued.

“He’s your Dad.  You asked me to come. I’m guest-ier,” Cho made a good point.

“That’s not even a word”

“You know what I mean”

“Fine, you win,” Jane was always going to let him win.  He liked arguing, especially with Cho.  “Dad left towels for us in the bathroom.”

Cho grabbed his clothes and stuff and headed out.  Jane stood up and straightened his clothes and padded off to make the tea and coffee.  Alex came out and shuffled around making some toast and eggs for everyone.  He went to the fridge and got out the orange juice.

“So you love him, Jane?” Alex caught Jane by surprise.

“Yeah, Dad, I do,” he said with no hesitation.  He didn’t have to fake that. 

“Good.  I like him.  He loves you too.”

“I hope so,” Jane said as they heard the bathroom door open. Alex gave him a questioning look and Jane shook his head to plea with his dad to drop the subject.

Alex couldn’t resist though, “Don’t screw it up.”


	4. December: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Attack

They barely even saw each other for the next couple weeks.  School work was getting crazy and they were heading into Christmas break. The time they used to spend doing homework together was preempted by the need to be at the library, or at professor hours getting help, or studying with other students in their respective programs.    Jane had had to cancel one of their Thursday lunches and Cho had to switch shifts at work one Sunday so they missed that dinner, too.  Moreover, there was Christmas to get ready for.  The Saturday before finals, Cho was at work at the mall. Jane decided to take a break, possibly meet up with Cho for coffee and maybe even get a little shopping done.

He got himself to the mall and was window shopping when he realized he was kidding himself with the shopping excuse.  He was there to see Cho.  He wandered around, thinking he’d run into him on his rounds and when that didn’t work, he texted him.

**Hey Cho, I’m here at the mall. Coffee?**

**Sure, 10 mins.  Starbucks.**

**Sweet.**

Jane wondered why he always said he was going for coffee when he always got tea. He made his way to the Starbucks, ordered Cho his quad venti Americano, no room, and a Tazo JoyTM tea for himself.  Feeling in the holiday spirit, he got them each a Snowman cookie.  He sat and waited for the drinks and for Cho. It was all he could do to not jump up and run into Cho’s arms, he was so happy to see him.  Instead, he stood up when Cho got to the table and they embraced, like magnets that had been held apart and suddenly let go. 

“When do you get your Segue?” Jane laughed.

“Ha ha, very funny,” and then, “Oooh, cookies!”

Jane heard their drinks being called from the barista and went and got them.  They sat down and for several minutes contentedly drank their drinks and munched on their snowmen, absorbing each other’s presence.  They were tired and overworked. Their conversation was stilted.

“I’ve been so busy, this is nice,” Jane said and it sounded hollow to his own ears.

“Yeah, me too. My “Trends in Crime Prevention” paper is killing me.  Wish I’d chosen a different topic but it’s too late.”

“I’ll never be ready for the statistics final,” Jane added.

“I’m ready for break, though,” Cho said wistfully.

“I hear ya”

“What are you doing for break”

“Going to Dad’s, you?”

“Grandma’s,” Cho said simply. 

He tipped his cup to get the last drop of coffee from it and told Jane he had to get back to work. Jane mumbled something about getting back to homework and stood up to go.  There was so much distance between them, Jane hated it.  But then Cho hugged him again and he hugged back emphatically and this time they had to let the hug do all the talking for them. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jane walked back to the entrance he’d come in to catch the bus.  He was just about to the little covered enclosure when someone shoved him, hard, from behind.  Jane faltered and fell forward but he stayed upright.  The guy in the hoodie grabbed him from behind and put a knife to his neck with one hand and used the other to roughly go through Jane’s pockets.  Jane tried to free himself using his hands to dislodge the guy’s arm from around his neck. He kicked and shoved and even bit the guy’s arm.

 “I’ll give you whatever you want, all I have is my wallet, take it,” Jane pled with him. The guy threatened that if Jane didn’t stop fighting, he’d kill him.  Jane believed him.  His heart was pounding and he was trying to think.  He was looking around for anyone else.  He’d never noticed how secluded the bus stop was before.  He thought the bus should show any minute.  It wasn’t quite dark yet, but the automatic lights had come on.  Jane yelled, “Help!” as loud as he could and “Help” again and a third time.  This time the guy shoved Jane forward again and hollered, “Shut the fuck up!” Just as Jane turned to face his attacker, he was clocked across his cheek and he went down. That wasn’t enough for this guy though.  He walked up and kicked Jane repeatedly in the chest and stomach. He got down and ground Jane’s head into the pavement. Jane cried out in pain.  The last insult was when the asshole finished going through his pockets, taking his wallet and his phone, he leant down and said “Faggot,” dripping with venom.  Jane laid there gasping, being able to do nothing else, willing the bus to pull up.

But it wasn’t the bus that showed first.  It was Cho.  Someone had heard his cry for help and called both 911 and Mall Security.  Cho saw the crumpled form on the ground and his heart dropped out. _Couldn’t be Jane, right? That looks like my Jane_. He full on ran and was next to him in moments. It was Jane. _My Jane_. His brain was screaming but he immediately went into rescuer mode like he’d been taught when he signed on with security.  He gently felt for a pulse and started breathing again himself when he found one. He lifted one of Jane’s eyelids and was rewarded with Jane opening his eyes on his own.   

“Cho?” Jane said weakly.

“It’s okay, Jane, you’re gonna be okay, the ambulance is on the way.” He was talking to himself as much as to Jane. 

“Cho?  You’re here?  Why are you here?” Jane was disoriented.

“Jane, it looks like you were attacked.  A nice lady called Mall Security when she heard you yelling, I was the one who responded to the call.”

Jane groaned. “It hurts, Cho.”

Cho took Jane’s hand, “I know, Jane, I know, help is on the way” he said gently as he sat down on the sidewalk and put Jane’s head in his lap to wait.  He took off the jacket security guards wear to add another layer covering Jane. “Stay with me, Jane, keep looking at me, okay? Just stay with me.” They heard the sirens converging on them.

The EMT’s took over as soon as they got there.  They flashed a light in Jane’s eyes, assessed for a back/neck injury, and slowly laid him flat on his back.   They opened his sweatshirt and cut his t-shirt to assess his chest and abdomen.  They slapped those sticky circle things they use to monitor heart activity on his chest.  They paid close attention to both the wound on his head and the disturbing blemishes forming on his abdomen.  They rapid-fired questions at Cho, some he could answer – name, age, allergies, any chronic illnesses or meds– and some he couldn’t – like specifics about the attack.  That’s when the nice lady came up to say she saw him get kicked several times in the abdomen to which the concern on everyone’s faces ratcheted up.  They got Jane on the gurney and put him in the back of the ambulance while they started a saline drip and put an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.  Cho didn’t even ask, he just tried to climb aboard, but they wouldn’t let him.  Cho was at a loss, but he made sure he knew which hospital they were taking him to.

Cho remembered he was still at work.  He was having trouble focusing, but he spoke to the police, giving them what little information he knew.  He spoke to the woman who had helped them and asked for her contact info.  She agreed to give a statement to the police and Cho thanked her.

“You know him personally, don’t you? He means something to you.” She asked with her voice full of care.

“Yes, he’s my roommate at the college,” Cho wasn’t going to admit any more than that.

“Oh, honey, he’ll be ok.  Is there anyone you can call?”

 _Who was this woman, an angel?_ Of course, Cho had someone to call.  He hadn’t thought.  He’d call Alex. “You know, I do, I’ll call his Dad, thank you.  You saved his life, thank you,” Cho didn’t know how to express himself any better than that.

She gave him a polite hug and said she only did what anyone would do.  She bade him good-bye and headed toward the entrance of the mall.


	5. December: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hospital

Alex and Cho got to the hospital within a half hour.  One of the longest half-hours of Cho’s existence.  It took time to drive to the mall and then to the hospital.  They went in through the ER to find out from a nurse that Jane was in surgery to stem the internal bleeding.  She told them where the waiting room for recovery was and promised the surgeon would speak to them as soon as possible.  She couldn’t tell them anymore than that.  They perched on the couches anxiously.  Alex got up and wandered back and forth.  He used Keurig coffee maker to make a cup and offered one to Cho, but Cho just shook his head no.  Alex didn’t really want one, either, it was something to do.  Cho sat with his head in his hands and a jiggle in his knee.  They waited.  An hour went by, then another, they barely said two words to each other.  What could they say? Cho had already told Alex all he knew – someone mugged Jane, stole his wallet and phone, and beat him to a pulp.

Then a small woman in her 40’s in surgical garb came through the door that Cho had memorized from willing it to open for at least the last hour.  Her dark hair was neatly twisted on the back of her head, her eyes bright with intelligence and confidence.  She had an air of professional efficiency and she moved with purpose.  Alex and Cho lept from the chairs.

“Are you Alex Jane, the father?” Dr. Teresa Lisbon asked.

“Yes, how is he?” Alex answered.

“He needed an emergency exploratory laparotomy. That means the internal bleeding was severe enough that we needed to go in and stop it, which we successfully did.   Once that was under control, the orthopedic surgeon pinned one of his ribs together. The metal plate on his rib is permanent.  Another rib is cracked, but there’s nothing to do surgically for it. Fortunately, the wound on his head only an abrasion that needed cleaning.  He is staying in ICU tonight, after he’s released from recovery.”

“He’s going to be okay?” Cho couldn’t wait any longer to ask, he didn’t care about the specifics.

“We’re optimistic. As long as the bleeding stays under control, and there are no surprises, he shouldn’t need any more surgery.  It’s going to take time, but he should fully recover.  He took quite a beating.  Do you know what happened?” Dr. Lisbon asked.

“No, just that he was mugged,” Cho answered. His eyes rimmed with tears, “I should have been with him.”  
“Whatever happened, I’m sure you are not responsible.” She squeezed his shoulder. “He’s sedated and he’s going to be for the next 8 hours.  You two should go home and get some sleep,” she said in a voice that was used to telling people what to do.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Alex said with feeling, “Thank you so much,” and he gave her a hug.  Then she was off, back through the door Cho had begun to hate.  Jane was still behind it.

“You can’t make me leave, please I have to stay,” Cho said to Alex, uncharacteristically begging.  He _never_ begged. He was stressed, his nerves were shot.

“You and I are going to go to your room and get some of his things and yours.  Then we’ll go to my place and I’ll get a few things, too.  Then straight back here and we’ll wait until they let us see him.  I want to be here when he wakes,” Alex took charge.

“Okay,” Cho could get on board with this plan.  Once he got to the room, he grabbed their phone chargers then remembered that whoever did this took Jane’s phone and almost lost it.  Instead, he grabbed their laptops and extra clothes and anything else he could think of from their room.  He felt like he was underwater. His limbs were heavy and it was an effort to move.  He couldn’t even go in when they got to Alex’s. He waited in the car.  They got back to the hospital and waited in the waiting room at the ICU.  It was the middle of the night and there wasn’t much to do but wait.  They nodded off. 

Morning came.  Cho made a few phone calls to let his boss and Jane’s boss know what happened.  He knew Jane had been dying to read the latest Game of Thrones so he downloaded it onto Jane’s Kindle.  He contacted Jane’s phone carrier to report the phone stolen.  He tried to tell the bank that Jane’s card was stolen, but they wouldn’t listen because Cho didn’t have the right info.  He asked to speak to a manager who was willing to at least put a watch on the card due to the circumstances.  _Don’t do me any favors,_ Cho thought. 

The doctors came to assess Jane, who for what he’d been through, was doing well.  Dr. Lisbon came around noon and checked in on him, on his incisions and the bruising.  She checked his mental status, both in his orientation and mood, which for the time being was about as good as she could have expected.  She was the one who decided when Jane could have visitors, so Cho was excited to see her.  She came out to speak with them.

“He’s looking good, his incisions are healing well, looks like the bleeding has stopped, and he’d like to see you, both of you, but I’d like you to go in one at a time.  He’s weak, he lost a lot of blood yesterday.  He needs to rest, so only a few minutes each.  He’s going to be here in the ICU for at least today, if not tomorrow.  If he’s still holding his own after that, we’ll move him to the post-surgical ward downstairs.  Either way, he shouldn’t be in the hospital more than a week, maybe less.  We’ll talk about that later, when he’s out of the woods.  Remember, one at a time.”

“Thanks, Doc,” they said together, then glanced at each other, and Dr. Lisbon was off again, her heels clicking down the hallway. 

Alex went immediately to visit with Patrick, leaving Cho to hang back.  Alex set down the bag they had packed.  Patrick was surrounded with beeping machines and wires.  The nurses had fixed the head of his bed so he was sitting up.  He was ashen, but his eyes were bright and greeted his dad cheerily enough.  Alex walked over and leaned down and gave him a hug as best he could.  Patrick closed his eyes and accepted the comfort.

“You have no idea how good it is to see you,” Alex said.  Jane smiled weakly but said, “You, too, Dad.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” his Dad tried.

Jane shook his head no. 

“When you’re ready, okay, I’m here,” he added honestly, with no pressure. “The doctor says you’re going to be okay.  You have two broken ribs and some internal bruising, but you’re gonna be fine, okay?” “Have you spoken to the police?”

“Not yet but I will.”  The conversation dropped off.  Alex fidgeted, glancing at Patrick.  Patrick didn’t know what to say, the uncomfortable silence was getting longer.

“Is Cho here?” Patrick dared to ask.  He didn’t want to offend his dad.

“Yeah, the doc said we could only come in one at a time.  He’s in the waiting room. I’ll get him.  I’m so glad you’re going to be alright,” Alex looked resigned.  He gave Jane a kiss on the forehead and said, Love you, Monkey Boy,” using a nick name Patrick earned as a kid from his penchant for climbing, especially after the time he was four and Alex found him on the roof of their woodshed in the back yard.

“Love you, too, Dad,” Patrick said.

Jane watched the door for Cho. He came in and was riveted to the spot. Jane looked so small and helpless, tiny in that big bed.  His skin almost matched the white of the pillowcase. The side of his head was bandaged and he still had an IV running.  His chest was wrapped in a bandage starting under his armpits and he was wearing a hospital gown like a jacket.  Cho remembered himself and his promise that he wouldn’t looked shocked.  He went over to his bedside and tried to give him the same awkward hug his Dad had, but as soon as Cho was close enough, Jane buried his face in Cho’s shoulder and burst into tears.  Cho struggled with the handrail, finally getting it to flip down so he could sit on the bed.  He carefully held Jane while he cried, staying close.  He was holding Jane’s head to his chest.

“He came out of nowhere. He had a knife. He had a knife, Cho.  He kept kicking and kicking. I thought I was going to die.  I couldn’t do anything” Jane said haltingly between breaths.

“You did enough. You called for help. It’s all you needed to do.” Cho instinctively held him closer.

“He called me a faggot, Cho. He beat me up because he hated me. He hated _us_. He must have followed me out.” Jane burst into tears anew. It made his chest hurt, but there was nothing for it.  Cho was not going to cry, dammit, he was going to be strong. Being angry helped with that, but it didn’t stop tears welling in the corner of his eyes.

“We have to tell the police.  We’ll do this together, “Cho soothed.  Jane couldn’t stop crying. “It’s okay, Patrick, it’s okay, it’s gonna be alright” Cho whispered, using his first name for the first time since they met.  He kissed him on the temple and the cheek.  Jane turned his head and kissed Cho on the mouth. Cho knew it was bad timing and right now he didn’t care.  He kissed Jane back tenderly and he would for as long as Jane needed.  The kiss deepened and tongues were involved.  Finally, they pulled back. They breathed deeply and stared into each other’s eyes.

“Are you okay, this probably isn’t good for you right now,” Cho said carefully.

“That’s the first time I’ve felt good since I left you at the mall. No, since you kissed me before Thanksgiving,” Jane said to the space between their faces.

Cho took a beat to digest that and said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you, Jane,” he leaned his forehead on Jane’s. 

“You couldn’t have known,” Jane assured him, “I was going to the bus like I have a million times before.”

“I was so scared,” he whispered so low Jane could hardly hear what he said.

“Me, too,” Jane whispered back.

Cho kissed him quickly again and got up to get the stuff he’d brought for Jane.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me!” that was out of Jane’s mouth before he processed the implications.

“I wasn’t.  I won’t.” Cho said reassuringly with a concerned look on his face. “But they might make me.  I’m only supposed to be in here a few minutes.”

“I don’t want to be alone.” Jane couldn’t even look at Cho when he said it.

Cho’s heart broke for the third or fourth time since he came in the room.  He felt a little out of his league.  He felt too young to be handling this. He had no idea how strict the nurses would be or how Alex would feel about it, especially if they didn’t let him stay, too. He worried that the hospital didn’t have these rules for no reason.  Jane needed to rest.  “I can’t promise, Jane, I wish I could. You need to rest,” Cho said as comfortingly as he could.

“I know, I know, but can you ask?  I’ll rest better with you here.  Tell them that, it’s the truth,” Jane argued, but Cho could see how even this conversation was tiring him out.  He didn’t know what was best.  He handed Jane the box of tissues from the side table an asked if he wanted water.  Jane nodded, so Cho poured some from the pitcher and put a straw in the cup before handing it to Jane.  He pushed the rolling side table over to where Jane could reach it.

“I brought some stuff,” Cho changed the subject. “I got Storm of Swords and put it on your Kindle. I have your own pillow and your favorite fuzzy slipper socks.”  He looked a little uncomfortable, but he decided he’d ask anyway, “Do you want me to put the socks on for you?”

“I’d love that,” and Jane smiled a real smile.  “You knew just what to bring.  Thank you.”

A nurse came in while Cho was putting on Jane’s socks. “Time to go.  You need to let him rest, now,” he said politely.

“No!” Jane cried out involuntarily with fear, real fear, in his voice. _What’s the matter with me?_ The nurse, David his tag said, looked between the two of them and asked to speak to Cho privately.

David was large. At least six feet tall, with more muscles than seemed necessary. He had kind blue eyes and a neat, military inspired haircut.  He was wearing purple scrubs.  He smiled warmly and introduced himself and learned Cho’s name.

“We’ll be right here on the other side of the door. Two minutes, I promise,” David explained to Jane. Then, to Cho, “Can you stay? I didn’t want to say you could if it was something you didn’t want or couldn’t do.”

“I packed a bag. I’m staying. In his room or in the waiting room, I’m not going anywhere,” Cho said in that matter of fact way he had.  There was no room for argument when he spoke that way.

“Ok. Good. Best I can do is the chair that’s in there with a blanket. We don’t always let people stay in the rooms. I’m guessing he’s been through a trauma. Someone needs to stay with him.”

“Yes. He was mugged and beaten. I’ll stay.” Cho said quickly, emotionless.  Alex saw they were talking and came to see what was up.  “Me, too. We’ll take turns.” 

“Remember, he needs quiet and calm, but he’s not to be alone at least for a while and then we’ll reassess.” 

They all went in the room then.  David walked over to Jane and explained what they had been discussing.  He was equal parts relieved and mortified, like he was a child that needed babysitting.  Cho would stay another couple hours and Alex would stay overnight with Jane.

+++++++++++++++++++++

The next afternoon, Jane was reading and Cho was using his laptop when the police tapped on the door.  Cho looked questioningly at Jane and got up to see who it was. Jane looked as confused as he was.  The nurses generally didn’t knock, they cracked the door and announced their presence and gave you a chance to respond.

“Do we have to do this now?” Jane heard Cho politely ask.

“We’ll only be a minute, it’s best to talk to him now if we can,” the policeman said.

Cho looked over at Jane, moved so Jane could see the cops.  Jane nodded yes, so Cho let them in.  Cho excused himself to go get Alex, returning with him a moment later.

They started simple with “Can you tell us what happened?” and Jane proceeded to give them a blow by blow (no pun intended) description, until he was on the ground being kicked, that part was fuzzy.  He didn’t forget the insult; he’ll never get that voice out of his head and he told them about it.  All the while, Cho was listening intently. 

They moved onto asking for a description of the assailant. “White male, late teens but already 6’1”, skinny, dirty blond spikey hair sticking out from a dark navy zippered hoodie.  Hazel eyes leaning more toward brown.  His nose had been previously broken.  His black jeans were two sizes too big and his knock-off Converse shoes were unlaced. His belt was more like tied,” Jane made a looping knot tying gesture at this, “rather than buckled.  He had a 3” hunting knife with a black blade, but I didn’t see where it came from.  His breath smelled like”, here he paused again.  He asked Cho, “What are those little chalky orangey, minty things again, come in a little shaky case?” He made a motion with his hand like he was rattling a rattle.

“Tic-Tacs,” Cho said certainly.

“Yeah, that’s it.  His breath smelled like orange Tic-Tacs.” Jane was looking pleased with himself. He was in his element and Cho was happy to see it.

That’s when the policeman butted in.  “Wait, hold up, I can’t write that fast.  Your Dad told me I should bring the sketch artist, glad I listened.” He glanced at Alex who gave him an I-told-you-so look.

“Ok, anything else?” the policeman said when he’d finished writing.

“On the inside of his left wrist was a small tattoo, a line drawing of a koi under water inside a circle,” Jane added.

The cop’s eyebrows went up in surprise.  Cho went pale.

“What?” Jane asked.

Cho spoke up, “That’s my gang, Jane.  This is my fault.” Cho said flatly.

“But you don’t have the tattoo,” Jane protested.

“First thing I did was have it removed.” They looked at each other seriously.

“We’ll need to speak with you,” The policeman said to Cho and he nodded. To Jane, the cop asked, ” Do you think you’re up to working with our sketch artist?” He gestured to the man standing next to him.

Jane nodded, “Sure,” trying to process this new development.

Cho left with the policeman.  Alex stayed with Jane while he spoke with the sketch artist.  When they finished up the sketch and they had gone, Alex asked Jane about the tattoo.

“It’s not my story to tell, Dad, but I guess it’s no secret Cho used to be in a gang.  He doesn’t like to talk about it.  The important thing is that he got himself out, relatively unscathed.  He’s going into law enforcement because of it.  He’s a good man, Dad. He’s smart and caring and wants to do good things with his life.”

“I wasn’t suggesting anything else,” Alex said.  “My concern is for you both.  Cho may have left the gang, but it seems the gang hasn’t left Cho.”

And didn’t that just sum up every fear that had been running through Jane’s brain.

 

It was Cho’s turn to spend the night.  Alex decided to go home and sleep in his own bed with strict orders to call him immediately if anything happened.

As soon as the door closed behind Alex, “This isn’t your fault, Cho.” Jane said with utmost surety.

“Wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t know me.  My fault,” Cho stated, equally as sure.

“C’mere.” Jane moved over best he could patted the bed next to him and Cho did as he was asked.  “You’re the best thing to happen in my life, I wouldn’t trade your friendship for anything.” Jane said fervently.

“I’m going to fix this,” Cho sounded threatening and it frightened Jane.

“No, you’re not.  You’re going to let the police handle this.”

“The police can’t do anything about it.”

“Cho, promise me.” Jane demanded, but Cho just looked at him in silence.

“Cho,” Jane pled.

Cho stood up. “Don’t make me promise that.  You don’t know gangs,” Cho was pacing. “This is about me. I need to end it.  The police have nothing.  Look at you, Jane.  It’s going to take weeks before you’re recovered.  They _hurt_ you. Badly.” Cho’s voice was raising without his meaning it to. “Because of me.” He thumped his own chest. “Because I left.  No one leaves a gang without consequences.  It should have been me!”

“Cho, stop.” Jane interrupted, but Cho was on a roll.

“No! I can’t stop! They won’t stop! Let me handle this!” Cho was yelling. He was tired and hurt and scared and everything else, but then he looked at Jane.  He saw what the effort of this argument was taking out of him.  Jane looked like he was trying not to cry.  “Oh, God, Jane, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” _Everything I do ends up with Jane being hurt_.

“I know you feel responsible, but you didn’t do this to me.  I will _never_ blame you for this.  You’ll end up in jail if you go after them.  Please give the police time.  I gave them a solid description, they’ll get the bad guy,” Jane tried to sound reasonable.

Cho stopped and thought and nodded a barely perceptible nod.  He wanted this conversation over.  Jane needed it to be over. “I’ll give them time if you promise you’ll rest now.” He made a motion to stand up.

“Only if you stay here,” Jane said, indicating the bed.  “Deal,” they said together. Cho very carefully laid down next to Jane and that’s how the nurses found them in the wee hours of the morning, when they came to check on Jane.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning Jane was moved to the post-surgical ward downstairs.  That meant he was doing well.  He felt well. Alex came before work to visit and he brought a brand new phone for Jane.  Jane enthusiastically thanked him.  He smiled his megawatt smile and for the first time since this began, Cho felt like everything really would be alright. 

In the new ward, there wasn’t a restriction on how many people could be in the room.  Jane scooted over a little on the bed and made room for Cho to sit and they tackled setting up the cell phone together. The two of them squinted at the phone with their heads close together.  Alex sat in the chair chatting with them while they worked.  A few minutes later, he stood up to go.

“Keep an eye on him for me,” Alex said to Cho, “I need to get to work today.”  He walked over and kissed Jane on the forehead and patted Cho on the shoulder.

Dr. Lisbon came in right after that and smiled at the two of them. “You seem to be doing better,” she said cheerily to Jane.  “I think we can leave the bandage off your head today.  I’m going to peek at your incisions, too.  I don’t know if you want your friend in here while we do all that.”

Jane said, “This is Cho. He can stay.”

“We’ve spoken before, good to have your name,” the doctor said and shook Cho’s hand.

Cho hopped off the bed and stepped back so he wasn’t in the way.  Dr. Lisbon lifted Jane’s gown as discretely as she could.  She very carefully peeled back the tape on the large bandage covering his scar.  There were all sorts of colors on Jane’s bruised skin: red, purple, yellow and even a little green, but the doctor looked like she thought it was doing ok.  It didn’t look like there was any new bleeding under the skin.  Then she had Jane sit up so she could carefully cut the bandages from his chest.  More colors bloomed over Jane’s chest.  He was bruised from his collar bone to his hip, all on his right side.  One bruise was footprint shaped.  Cho’s heart dropped.  Dr. Lisbon glanced over at Cho.

“What?” Jane asked. “Don’t do that.  Tell me.” Jane was a little tired of people treating him with kid gloves.

Dr. Lisbon jumped in, “He stomped on your chest, Patrick.  There’s a large footprint-shaped bruise right over your broken ribs. Do you remember that?”

“Oh. Um. No.  No, I don’t remember that,” Jane didn’t know what else there was to say, but he looked distressed. Jane had always depended on his memory.  It was unnerving to be told that there was something Very Important that happened to him that he did not recall. At all.

“It’s okay, Patrick, it’s very normal to not remember a traumatic experience.  It might come back. It might not.  Could be good to be spared that particular memory.  Your injuries could have been worse, you’re stronger than you look,” she said gently teasing him with a smile.  “You’re healing very nicely.  I’m thinking now would be a good time to have you take a shower and get new x-rays of your chest and an ultrasound of your abdomen to be sure everything is as good inside as it looks outside.  Be extra careful moving right now with the bandages off.  I’ll get the nurse to come in and help you.  Do not get up without the nurse.  Do you have any questions for me?”

“When can I go home, when can I go back to school?” Jane asked anxiously. 

“Depending on the results of the tests today, of course, but it’s looking good for you to go home on Thursday.  I’m afraid school or work will need to be another couple weeks.  Those ribs need to heal before you go moving around too much.”

“Thanks, Doctor,” Jane said.

“You’re welcome, I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow and then I’ll be certain about whether you can go home or not.”  And in her usual fashion, she flashed a caring smile at them, went through the door, and they heard her heels clicking away. 

“Cho, you have to go back to school.  Aren’t you missing finals?”

Cho explained that he had three classes that were having a final exam. The other two had had papers that fortunately had been due last week and Cho had turned them in.  Two of the final exams he had were on Thursday and the last was on Friday.  “I might not be here to be with you when you go home.” Cho said sadly.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m sure Dad will be here.” Jane said reassuringly.  “You’ve done enough for me.  Go take your finals.”

Cho was saved from responding to that by David, the nurse, opening the door.

“David?  Don’t you work on the ICU?” Jane asked.

“I go where they send me.  Only a few of us male nurses and consensus was you’d probably rather have a guy taking out that catheter and getting you in the shower,” he said with a smile on his face.  He had the “cheery nurse” routine down pat.

“Yeah, I would.  Thanks,” Jane smiled despite himself. 

“Now, I know you two are close, but I think we should let Cho off for a while. I promise to take good care of you and he needs a break.” David wasn’t giving them a choice, he suspected Cho’d never leave of his own volition and no matter how close they were, he wanted to give Jane some privacy.  There are some things even the closest of people don’t need to see.

Jane was impressed he remembered Cho’s name.  Jane and Cho looked at each other to give each other permission.  Cho walked over, squeezed Jane’s hand and kissed him on the cheek.  “I’ll be right here, probably in the cafeteria.  Text me.” He had to admit he was relieved.  He didn’t realize the amount of pressure he felt being there for Jane.  The break was good.  Not that he’d ever admit that to anyone, ever.  He headed to the cafeteria.  He wanted coffee and he thought he’d try a bit of studying. 

David was true to his word and removed Jane’s catheter.  He helped Jane stand and walk to the bathroom, steadied him in the shower.  The hot water and steam was cathartic, he almost felt human again.  David took over dabbing dry the wound on Jane’s head and his abdomen.  He reapplied the bandage over the rapidly healing scar.  Then he helped Jane dry himself off.  He put two gowns on Jane, one with the opening facing front, one to the back.  They carefully got Jane back into bed and headed down to Radiology.

After they got back from the tests, David rewrapped Jane’s chest.  “Okay, we’ve had a lot of activity in the last couple hours, time to rest again,” David said warmly but firmly. “Do not try to get to the bathroom by yourself.  Call a nurse, alright? I need to go now…..do you want me to stay until Cho gets back?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine.  I’ll text him and he’ll be right up.” Jane said. “Thank you, so much, the shower was fantastic.”

“Ok, kiddo, I’m sure I’ll see you again before you go,” David said kindly.  “You be good, do what the docs tell ya.”

“I will,” Jane promised.

 

Jane settled in reading after he texted Cho.  He read for 10 minutes, then it was 20 minutes. Jane started to get nervous.  He texted Cho again. He was beginning to freak. He texted Cho again, still no answer.  Cho wasn’t even texting back.  Jane was heading into full blown panic.  His heart was pounding. Another few minutes went by. Cho finally cracked the door and checked to see if Jane was back.

“Where were you?!” Jane exploded at Cho.

“I went for a snack.  Like I said I was going to” Cho was a little irritated himself.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” Jane said, not quite yelling.

“I didn’t.”  Cho hadn’t gotten any sleep and he was struggling to be supportive, but he didn’t like getting yelled at.

“I texted you.” At this, Cho pulled out his phone and looked. “I didn’t get these. Sorry.  I came up to check because it had been a while.”

“I was alone.” Jane protested one more time, but his panic was subsiding.  He felt so much better with Cho in the room.

“You were with David. We agreed for me to leave.” At this point they glared at each other because they were both right. Cho hadn’t left him alone and yet Jane ended up alone.  Cho sat down in the chair.

“Talk to me Jane,” Cho wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“What do you want me to say?” Jane was still snippy.

“I want you to tell me what’s going on,” Cho responded.

“Just don’t leave me alone,” Jane was evasive.

“No, Jane, talk to me,” Cho tried again.

“I can’t,” Jane said sadly with none of his earlier irritation.

“Okay,” he said backing down with a deep sigh. “I’m sorry you were left alone,” Cho knew nothing good could come from making Jane talk about it. He had to take it on faith that Jane would speak up when he was ready.

“Wasn’t your fault.  Sorry I snapped at you,” Jane looked apologetic.

Cho walked over and squeezed Jane’s hand.  Jane squeezed back.  Cho bent down and kissed Jane on the lips.  He knew it wasn’t something they’d ever talked about, but it seemed the right thing to do.  Kissing Jane settled Cho’s anxieties. Jane allowed himself to bask in the comfort of the kiss. It got heated and Jane loved the way it warmed him up right down to his toes.  He didn’t want to question what was happening between them just yet.  The hospital felt surreal anyway, maybe nothing was happening. _Right_? 

Issue settled, Cho turned his chair around, picked up the remote and started flipping through the all of 15 channels the hospital TV received (and one of those was the weather channel, for god’s sake).  Still, they had fun mocking the commercials, making fun of the horrible acting, and laughing at the infomercials.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Later that evening, Alex came to visit and spend the night.  He had news.  He’d been speaking to the Dean and even a couple of their professors.

“Being a good student is paying off for you two. Jane, you have a paper that was due Monday?”

“Yeah, it just needed finishing touches”

“You’ll need to turn that in.  Other than that, your professors have agreed that under these circumstances, they’ll grade you based on your work without the finals.  They’re only doing that because your work has been exemplary,” Alex informed them, looking proud of his son.

“I spoke to them about you, too, Cho.  I told them how close you two are and how supportive you’ve been and how much time you’ve been here helping out. Your Criminology 101 professor waived your final as well as your Algebra professor.  Your English professor felt it would be unfair to let you out of the final as it will be the only assessment she had of your understanding of _Farenheit 451_ , but she’s willing to give only that part,” Alex continued.

Cho walked over and gave Alex a big, stressed-out, sleep-deprived hug.  “Oh my God, really?  Thank you!” his relief was palpable.  “Merry Christmas!” He was smiling like Jane hadn’t seen in what seemed forever.  It was beautiful to Jane’s eyes.

“It helped that there are police reports and medical records, some of which we’ll need to send to them, but one of the biggest factors is how well you guys are doing.  I’ve never been so proud.  They all spoke of both of you so highly.  Jane, your Psych 101 teacher said your paper was one of the most interesting he’d read in years.”

Jane beamed. “Thank you, Dad.  I’d say you didn’t have to do all that for us, but I’m glad you did!”

“You’re welcome, it was just a few phone calls, really.  So what have you been up to while I’ve been working?”

Jane filled him in on their day.  They had hospital food for dinner and it was getting late.  Alex put his foot down and made Cho promise to go sleep in his own bed for the night.  He even gave him money for a cab.  Cho reluctantly agreed.  He gave Jane a polite hug and hugged Alex again, grabbed his bag and headed home.

But it didn’t feel like home.  The room was cold and smelled musty and it felt like something from another time, another life.  He realized he and Jane wouldn’t be sharing this room until after the holidays, now.  He took out his laptop, plugged it in and climbed up to the top bunk with it.  He idly dicked around on the internet for a while, scrolled through his Tumblr dash, braved a check on FB and remembered with a start that he hadn’t called his grandmother since Sunday afternoon when Jane was still in ICU.  It felt like a hundred years ago.  He promised himself he’d call her first thing, he knew she must already be sleeping tonight. 

He laid back with his head on the pillow and his laptop balanced on his chest.  He opened up Netflix, silently thanking his grandma for her password, and was gently snoring before he’d even chosen something to watch.

The next day was another long day hanging out in the hospital room.  Nurses would come and go, poke and prod and make him get up and walk around and give pain meds as needed.  They tried watching the TV again, but it just wasn’t as funny.  Jane didn’t think he needed anymore Jell-O, ever.  Alex came before and after work, then he insisted that Cho go home again, because the one final he had was the next day and Alex had taken the day off to take Jane home.

Finally, Thursday came.  Dr. Lisbon gave him one more once over and declared him fit to go.  He’d have to change his bandages, and he’d have to keep the ace bandage on his chest for another two weeks, but he was healing nicely.  They scheduled follow up visits with Dr. Lisbon and with an orthopedic for his ribs.  He was in the wheelchair they insisted he use when David stopped by to wish him well.  They got into Alex’s car and headed home.  Jane didn’t even look back.


	6. December: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Holidays.

All of a sudden, it was week until Christmas. Jane was staying at his father’s to recuperate.  They decided on a quiet Christmas, which honestly wasn’t much different than what they usually do.  They invited Cho for Christmas Eve since he would be with his grandmother on Christmas. Jane wasn’t allowed to go back to work yet.  He was going insane spending his days on the couch or the bed.  He did his shopping online this year and he hadn’t seen Cho since he came by the day after he left the hospital.  Being alone was still a challenge, he always felt better when Alex was at home too.  He’d binge-watched TV, rewatching Sherlock and then he gave in and watched Elementary.  It was better than he thought it’d be.  He was bored.  He wished Cho would come over, but didn’t want to seem needy.

They kept a few of the traditions from his childhood and one was that they always decorate the tree on Christmas Eve and open presents.  Jane had put up some of decorations in the room as long as whatever he was handling was “nothing heavier than a can of coke”.  Jane was feeling stronger and stronger every day and that rule was getting harder to remember.  He decided to bake cookies.  All they had in the house was a snowman and a Jack-O-Lantern for cookie cutters, so snowmen it was.  He mixed the dough and made a dozen or so and found out the hard way why everyone kept telling him to rest.  He put the rest of the dough in the fridge and headed back to bed.

Cho finished up the his final and was working all the shifts he’d traded with his coworkers to have the time off with Jane at the hospital plus his regularly scheduled ones.  He even picked up a few more, wanting extra for this time of year.  It was holiday chaos every day at the mall and he felt like he never left.  On the other hand, their dorm room was difficult to be in alone. He kept finding reasons to not be there.  He’d started riding the bus around to the stop on the other side of the mall.  It was a longer walk, but he didn’t care.  Everyone looked at him funny, or at least he thought they were.  Everything felt wrong.  He wanted to talk to Jane, he didn’t want to talk to Jane. He texted back just enough to seem civil.  He hung out with some of the kids in the open room at the dorm, playing foosball and ping pong, but it was never quite right.

The pressure to do something was building.  _Jane would tell him if he’d heard something from the police, right?_   He felt like someone was always watching him. He couldn’t quite convince himself he was being paranoid.  He felt relatively safe at work and safe in the dorm, but not in between. He began to believe that the only thing that would set things right is if he got the guy who beat up Jane. That would solve all his problems. He started thinking that he had been right, he was the only one who could make them pay _. If only I’d been there.  I have to do something._ He planned.

He started lurking around his old neighborhood. At first only during the day, reacquainting himself with a place he’d promised himself he’d never go back.  He wasn’t getting anywhere.  That left being there at night.  He knew he was pushing his luck, but he had an idea who would have attacked Jane and he had to find out for sure.   When he still came up with nothing, he decided to go straight to the source, the leader of the gang.  It was a risk, but this guy, Birdie, wouldn’t even be the leader if Cho hadn’t left.  Cho would have been.  He could take him. He knew it would always have ended with him anyway.

The 23rd of December, just before midnight, Cho snuck into the room one room over from where Birdie was sitting watching TV. He was dressed head to toe in black.  He crouched low and crept silently behind the couch.  He sprung up behind Birdie surprising him and putting him in a headlock, pulling him back against the couch.  He pulled a knife and held it to his throat.

“Ice Man, I’ve been expecting you,” Birdie said, dripping with confidence.

“Then you know why I’m here and what I’m capable of,” Cho said with just as much confidence.

“Didn’t know you were a fag.”

“What’s it to you,” Cho said with vehemence, squeezing a little tighter, Birdie had inadvertently confirmed who was behind the hit on Jane.

“Nothin’”

“You have a problem with me, you deal with me. Get it through your head, I’m not coming back. I will never work for you.  So this is how it’s going to be.  You will not touch me or anyone close to me again.  If they are bumped into on the street, they get any suspicious communication from anyone, I’m going to assume it is you.” Cho was whispering right in his ear, voice full of menace. “While you’re at it, you can call off your spies.  I’m tired of being watched.”

“I can’t control everyone,” Birdie said mockingly.

“You leader or not?” Cho mocked him right back, “ _Anything_ happens to me or _anyone_ I know, I don’t care who is responsible, it’ll be you I come after.”

“Fine. We’ll leave you alone,” Birdie didn’t sound convinced, Cho pushed the knife futher but didn’t break the skin. “We were just messin with ya,” he sounded a bit more convincing this time.

Cho nicked the guy’s throat to make his point and he backed toward the door keeping an eye on Birdie, who stood up to face him as soon as he was released.  Just as Cho turned for the door Birdie was there.  _Damn, he was faster than he looked_.  Birdie slugged Cho and he fell back.  Cho pushed off the door and pulled a garrote from his pocket.  He launched himself at Birdie, wrapping the wire around his neck in a flash.  Standing behind him, Cho held the handles and pulled. Birdie froze.

“Look man, I didn’t order the hit.”

That was interesting, Cho would think about that later.  “I told you. Anything.  To me, to my family, to my friends, my friends’ families, and I will end you.” His voice was low, channeling his anger, full of threat, and a voice Cho had promised himself he’d never use again.

“Okay, okay. I got it,” Birdie choked out. “Alright. Point made.”

Cho unwrapped the wire and let it hang from his hand.  He opened the door without turning around and backed out.  The last thing he did was slam the door in the coughing gangbanger’s face.  His heart was pounding but he ran all the same.  He didn’t want to think about what he would have done had the other guy not backed down.  He’d been there before, it was not a good place to be.  He ran for nearly a mile.  At one point, he ran across a bridge over a ravine.  He threw the knife as far as he could throw it, watched it sink.  He finally got to a place populated enough that he felt safe calling a cab. There was an industrial garbage bin in the alley, he stuffed the garrote into one of the garbage bags and tied the hole he’d made.  He went to the curb and waited for his cab.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

The room was even emptier than before.  Unreal.  Like a place from a fairy tale when the magic was gone.  He took off all his clothes, except for his gloves, stuffed them in a garbage bag. He didn’t have any other sneakers, he hoped it was safe to keep them.  Maybe he could replace them after Christmas.  He put on his sleep clothes, and a hoodie, went down the hall and out to the large trash bin behind the dorms.  He pulled a couple bags up so he could bury his bag underneath them, then plopped them back into the bin. He sprinted back to the safety of the dorm and threw the gloves in the trash at the entrance, after looking to see if anyone would see.  He calmly walked up to his room.  His adrenalin was still running.  He checked his face in the mirror and sighed.  He was either going to have to lie to Jane and get out of going or show up with a black eye and lie how he got it.  _Or tell him the truth._ He didn’t like any of his options. 

They had an old half-empty container of Ben & Jerry’s in their freezer.  Cho took it out and put it on the rapidly forming bruise at the side of his eye.  He dug out the ibuprofen and took two of them.  With nothing else to be done, he went to bed and hoped against hope his eye didn’t look too bad in the morning.  He consoled himself with thought that he felt he’d done the right thing, the gang would think twice before messing with him or his again.  Birdie had other problems to deal with if other members were taking things in their own hands.

He woke up sticky.  _Fuck._ The bit of ice cream left in the container had melted overnight and run down his face to his neck and his pillow. _Fuckity fuck_.  His eye hurt, his head ached, and his legs weren’t doing him any favors either. _I need to exercise more._ He sat up and his head spun.  _FUCK._    He managed to get himself out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.  The first good news of the day was that his eye didn’t look too bad. He decided to shower and get dressed.

Jane was more excited than he’d been in ages.  Cho was coming over today. He smiled when his Dad greeted him good morning. He hummed to himself making tea. His ribs felt good and he knew it was only a few more days until he could leave the ace bandage behind.  He’d had those new-fangled stitches put in that don’t need taken out, they absorb or something.   _Ew._   Jane hadn’t thought of that.  Anywho, things were looking up. He was drinking his tea when Cho texted him.  _He texted me!_ Ran through Jane’s brain and he felt like a smitten teenager.  And you know what, he liked the feeling.  He was a smitten teenager.  Cho wanted to know when he was supposed to arrive and Jane texted back he could come any time.

 **Any time?** Cho texted.

 **How about now?** Jane typed it, but then thought it sounded a little desperate **.** He deleted that and went with **How about 2?**

**Ok. Can’t wait to see you.**

**Me, too.**

Jane didn’t think today could get better.  He couldn’t keep the sunshine emanating from his face.

Cho, on the other hand was a nervous wreck.  He was going to have to explain to Jane.  _How did I let Birdie land a punch?  That wasn’t supposed to happen.  I had it all planned.  He was so fast_.  He didn’t want to explain his eye to Jane more than he’s ever not wanted to do anything before.  Ok, it was not quite as bad as what he felt he had to do last night, but it was close. Jane wasn’t going to understand and he was going to be angry. If only he could guess how angry so he could prepare. Then he’d say something perfect and everything would be alright. He desperately wanted everything to be alright.

Still, he made his way over and got there early.  He made a mental note to learn to drive and get a goddamned car, busses were getting old.  He squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.  Jane opened the door and nearly fell into his arms in his excitement.  Cho hugged him back, carefully, guiltily accepting all the simple comfort he could before Jane noticed his eye.  Alex came over to say hello.

“Let him in, Jane” Alex laughed.

Jane looked sheepish and stepped back for Cho to come in.  Cho tried to duck his head, but then Alex gave him a hug, too. He moved them into the living room and the three of them sat down. Alex excused himself to get everyone some hot spiced apple cider. 

“Are you going to tell me or are you going to make me guess?” Jane started. “Because I can guess if you want.”  Much of his good mood had gone right out the window. 

Cho looked at him.  He shook his head, “No, I’ll tell you.  But you’re not going to like it.”

“You went after the gang when you promised you wouldn’t,” Jane said as a matter of fact.

“I never promised.”

Jane gave Cho a look. 

“I never said I wouldn’t.  I said I’d give the police time.  It’s been more than two weeks.” Cho said flatly.

Jane got up and went into his bedroom.  He was angry.  He didn’t want to have this argument in front of Alex.

Cho didn’t know what to do.  He looked at Jane who rolled his eyes and made a “get in here” gesture with his arms.

Cho ran to the room.  He thought Jane was shutting him out.  Arguing was better than being shut out.

“What the hell, Cho!?” Jane said as he slammed the door.

“It was the only way, Jane.”

“Fuck that!  What did you do?!”

Cho gave a brief overview of the night before while Jane studied him a little too closely for Cho’s comfort.

Jane was too shocked to say anything.  He was too angry.  He was too frightened.  He turned away so he wouldn’t have to look at Cho.

“Say something,” Cho asked quietly.

Jane exploded.  “You could have been seriously hurt!  You could have been killed!  You could go to jail!  Anything could have happened!” His hands were gesturing wildly.

Cho yelled, too.  “I was keeping you safe!  I was keeping us safe!  I was keeping our families safe! I’m not going to jail! Nothing happened!” His hands were to his side. He was still, a tempest contained.

“You have a black eye and you almost killed someone! Shit! What if you had killed him!?” Jane was freaked.

“I wouldn’t have killed him!” Cho silently panicked. Jane thought him capable of murder.

“Really?  Because he would have killed you.” Jane didn’t like accusing Cho of such a thing.

“Then I would have been dead.  I couldn’t do it.” Cho admitted this like it was some kind of failing.

“That’s why you left, isn’t it.” Jane said. “You knew what you’d become if you stayed.”

“Almost did become.” Cho was looking down, then, meeting Jane’s eyes again, “I did the right thing, Jane, I won’t say otherwise,” Cho wasn’t yelling anymore, but he wasn’t leaving room for argument. 

“Oh my God, Cho, what are we going to do?” Jane was still kind of yelling but he sat down on the bed.  He hurt.

“We aren’t going to do anything. I took care of it.” Cho was certain. He risked sitting down next to Jane.  He couldn’t believe what came out of Jane’s mouth next.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Cho didn’t understand. “I should be saying that, and I am.  I am sorry.”

“I’m sorry you had to go back, deal with the gang. I know you never wanted…I can’t imagine what that was like.” He glanced up at Cho when he was saying this.

“I’d do it again in an instant, if it meant keeping you safe,” Cho said sincerely.

“I don’t believe you’d ever kill anyone,” Jane said softly.

“I gave you every reason to think so.”

“What if I’d lost you? “Jane voiced the real fear beneath his anger.

“I thought I had lost you.” Cho, voicing the same fear, the fear he’d felt since that horrible day.  The fear that had motivated much of what he’d done since.

They locked eyes. Jane loved Cho’s eyes, the deepest eyes he’d ever known.  Even angry with each other or in a heated debate, there was always acceptance in Cho’s eyes.  Cho put his hand on Jane’s cheek. Jane reached up and held his hand against his cheek.  He reached out with his other hand and skimmed his fingers over Cho’s bruise. 

“I’ve never had anyone do anything like that for me,” Jane whispered.

“I wouldn’t have for anyone else,” Cho whispered back.

“Never do it again.”

“I hope I never have to.”

They kissed and it was instantly heated. Cho couldn’t have hoped for better. Jane felt like someone put his heart and lungs back in his chest.  They opened their mouths and sunk into the kiss, tongues together. Jane whimpered in the back of his throat and Cho hummed.   _We’re going to have to talk about this someday_ , Jane thought.  Jane pulled back, “My Dad.” That’s all he had to say, Cho understood. “Yeah.” They stole one more moment to hold each other and to catch their breath.

They went back out to where Alex was sitting reading a book.  He had come back with three mugs to an empty living room.  He heard muffled arguing, decided to wait it out.   He looked up at them, looking from one to another over his reading glasses, ending on Jane.  Guessing that they had settled the matter of Cho’s black eye, he said, “Who wants to decorate the tree?” in a holiday voice.

The boys smiled with Jane silently thanking his dad for not pushing them to talk.  “Sounds great, Dad,” he said, “let’s do it.”  He went to get a box of ornaments when Alex stopped him.

“Nothing heavier than can of coke, remember?” he teased Jane. 

“How long does that go on?” Jane laughed.  Cho laughed and picked up the box and brought it over to the tree.  Then everything was about detangling strings of lights and garland and wrapping them around the tree.  Alex warmed up the apple cider for everyone.  They finished putting on all the ornaments.  Alex did the honors and put the star on top.  Jane flipped the switch.  They all said, “Aaaawwww” when the tree lit up.  Then they all laughed. 

Dinner was four-cheese grilled cheese panini and acorn squash soup.  It was delicious.  Alex was a great cook.  They always had some sort of soup and sandwich dinner on Christmas Eve.  The star of the meal was the dessert, anyway, Mincemeat Baked Apples served with cinnamon ice cream.  Yum.  They tidied up and did the dishes then headed to the living room to “admire the tree” a traditional euphemism for a nap.  They settled in on the couches with tea and coffee to round out the meal.  Pretty soon, it was time for presents.

Jane and Cho handed out the presents and decided together that Alex should go first.  “Let’s let the old man go first,” Jane teased.  Alex took the card Cho had given him.  It was decorated with ribbon and a bow.  It was a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.  A real book store with real books.  Cho knew Alex preferred paper books to the digital everyone was switching over to these days.  Alex thanked him and even gave him a hug.  Jane’s present to his Dad was an Amazon Echo with a couple of the light switches that worked with it.  He promised he’d help him set it up, then he could get in bed and still turn off the light in the kitchen, which he forgot to do almost every night, just by asking.  Alex laughed and gave Jane a hug.

“Ok, open yours!” Alex said to them.  Alex got them each some good gloves, hats and scarves.  He tucked some cash in, too.  They tried it all on and they thanked him by both hugging him at once, still all bundled up.  Cho gave Jane his present next but refused to open his unless Jane opened his at the same.  Cho gave Jane a tea kettle that would heat the water to different temperatures. 

“Now you can brew your Earl Grey at 195 and your chamomile at 212” Cho joked with him.

“It’s the other way around” Jane giggled. 

“I know” Cho giggled back, “but at least the water won’t taste like left over coffee anymore.”

The two got a case of the giggles.  Alex just stared.

Jane gave Cho a Bluetooth earpiece so he “could look the part of a FBI agent.”

Cho smiled from ear to ear.  “This is so cool!”  He immediately got out the paperwork to figure out how to make it work.  But first he opened his arms to give Jane a huge hug, which Jane fell into, smiling over Cho’s shoulder. They said thank you to each other while they hugged.

Alex sighed.

He put on “It’s a Wonderful Life” and got some popcorn and hot chocolate for everyone. When he got back, Jane and Cho were huddled together on the couch.  They accepted the snack gratefully, blowing on the cocoa before carefully sipping it.  They half watched, half slept through the movie. 

Alex stood when the movie was over and stretched. He patted Cho on the shoulder and said, “Let me take you home, Cho, it’s getting late.”

“It’s my grandma’s, it’s kinda far,” Cho said.

“Not letting you take a bus this late, who knows which ones are running and which ones aren’t” Alex insisted.

“Thanks”

“Do you want to just stay here and go in the morning?”

“No, I promised I’d be there first thing, it’s when we do presents.”

“I’ll give you two a moment, then Cho and I will hit the road, “Alex told them.

“I can’t go? C’mon, I’m good,” Jane pled.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Jane,” Alex insisted. 

Cho didn’t know why but Jane gave up.  It was weird.  He was missing something.

Alex left the room and Cho and Jane stared at each other.  Cho was still trying to figure out what happened. 

Jane walked up close, facing Cho.  “He wants to talk to you alone. It’s okay, he’s just gonna say protective stuff, like don’t hurt me and be nice to me.” Jane smiled because Cho looked so out of sorts.  “He knows I like you and you like me and he’s done this to all the guys I’ve gone out with.”

“Bring it on, I can take it.”  Cho laughed.  He gathered up his things.  They stood there like a pair of idiots, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” for some reason, Jane was whispering.

“Always,” Cho whispered back.

Jane took Cho’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly. Kissing was Cho’s new favorite thing.  Kissing Jane was like kissing no one else he’d ever kissed.  

Cho broke the kiss and whispered, “Jane………” and looked meaningfully into Jane’s eyes.

“Me, too.” Jane whispered. _Does this count as talking about it?_

“Dad, we’re ready!” Jane hollered and smiled.  He had to do something, or he’d never have let Cho leave. Ever. No really, like ever.   “Have a good ride over to your grandmother’s” Jane said taunting and laughing.

“Yeah, thanks.”

It was every bit as awkward as advertised.  Alex danced around telling Cho Jane’s feelings for him, tried to assess Cho’s feelings for Jane, all the while being protective of his son.  But then he got down to what he really wanted to ask. 

“Are you in a gang?” Alex asked.

“No, Sir,” Cho didn’t know how detailed to get here.

“What happened to your eye?”

“That’s something I’d rather not talk about, Sir,” Cho tried evading the question. 

“Stop calling me, Sir, and tell me what happened,” Alex was irritated.  “I was hoping you boys would tell me.  Now I have to ask.”

“I got in a fight with the leader of the gang that one of the members beat up Jane,” Cho capitulated, hoping that was enough.

Alex took a deep breath.  He was quiet, thinking.

“Your gang, right?”

“No, Sir, not any longer.  Some of them want me back.  They want me to lead.  They went after Jane to force my hand. I had to put an end to it.  I did.”

“That’s a dangerous game you’re playing.”

“I ran with them for nearly five years.  I know how they work,” Cho said with a weary certainty of someone who had seen too much, too soon. 

Alex thought.

Cho sat and waited.

“Are you otherwise alright?  Is it just the eye?” Alex had come to terms.

“Only shot he landed,” Cho said and the corner of his mouth turned up with pride.

Alex had to chuckle at that, “That a boy.” He patted Cho’s shoulder.

The rode in silence the last few minutes of the trip. When they got there, Alex had one last thing to say.

“You know if you ever need anything, you can come to me,” Alex said.

Cho, who’d never had a real relationship with his own father, stammered out, “Yes, Sir. Thank you.”

“My name is Alex, call me Alex.”

Cho responded with a heartfelt, “Thank you, Alex.”


	7. December: Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve

The next time Jane and Cho saw each other was New Year’s Eve.  Jane had been for all his medical check-ups.  No more ace bandages, no more restrictions.  No more appointments.  His surgical scar had healed faster than his ribs.  Jane was ecstatic.  He would be able to go back to school next week and he hadn’t missed anything.  Alex had gone to work most of the week and Jane was okay with being alone.  All better.

Cho and Jane decided to go to the New Year’s party at the campus for all the kids that had stayed over the holidays.  They figured at least they wouldn’t have to ride anywhere, they could just stay in their room. Besides, it would be cheesy and fun to mock.  It was in full swing when they got there. The function room was decked with balloons and streamers.  Jane assumed someone had raided a confetti factory.  There was a dance floor and DJ and a couple of flat screen TV’s already showing New Year’s celebrations around the world.  The music was just this side of deafening. There was a section of round tables with folding chairs around them with noise makers and silly hats at every seat.  They had been handed a couple of confetti poppers when they came in.  Jane and Cho headed to the tables and took a couple of the spots. 

They ran into some of their friends from their hall and they all decided to hit the dance floor. Everyone put on their silly hats.  They jumped around and danced for a while. It was fun.  After everything they’d been through in the last few weeks, it was a welcome change to have some stupid fun. They laughed and yelled to each other when they wanted to say something. 

When they danced themselves out, they went to get some munchies. It was a black/silver theme and even the cupcakes had black and silver frosting.    Since this essentially was a school function, they only had sparkling apple cider.  They took some anyway and decided to stick around until Midnight. 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1! Happy New Year!  The crowd shouted.  The shiny ball dropped in Times Square.  Jane and Cho popped their poppers and took a sip of their “champagne” with everyone else.  They kissed the traditional kiss.  Except then, they couldn’t stop.  It started out as a Happy New Year peck and leapt to desperate in two seconds flat. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Jane gasped.

“Yeah”

They made it to the stairwell when Cho shoved Jane against the wall and kissed him like his life depended on it.  Jane’s hat fell off and they left it be.  Jane, not breaking the kiss, worked his way up the flight, Cho following.  Then they did break off to run up the next flight. Jane pushed Cho against the door to their floor and kissed him again.  Cho reached behind them and pushed the long handle.  They spilled into the hallway and completely detached because you never knew who would be around, laughing at themselves.  They weren’t hiding, they were private.  They got to their room and Cho fumbled with his keys to get the door open.  They fell into their room and slammed the door.

They began tearing each other’s shirts off. Jane pulled Cho’s sweater over his head.  _Why did Jane always wear a button down shirt?_ Cho got the buttons undone and Jane’s shirt fell open. He backed him up against the door.   Cho was confronted one more time with Jane’s injuries.  The bruises were gone, but he’d forever have the scar that ran diagonally from just under rib cage down toward his belly button.  Cho dropped to a crouch and tenderly kissed along the scar, while holding Jane’s sides.  Jane’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the sight.  He could see Cho’s shiny dress shoes.  He leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. Cho started at the bottom of the scar and worked his way up.  He didn’t stop at the end of the scar and kept moving up until he got to Jane’s nipple.  He licked it and then sucked gently, then hard, then gently again.  Jane moaned.  Cho continued along, kissing Jane’s neck, under his ear and over to Jane’s mouth.  He shoved his tongue in Jane’s mouth and Jane sucked on it. Cho groaned. 

Jane began working Cho’s buckle, button and zip.  Cho stepped on his own shoes to pull his feet out of them.  Jane pulled his slacks down, they dropped to the floor and Cho stepped out of those, too.  Jane put both hands on Cho’s underwear-covered backside and pulled him in.  They rubbed together, hearts pounding _.  So hot_. They got Jane out of his jeans and shoes, too.  Jane had to stop.  He had to assess. 

“Cho, wait. I…”

Cho looked at him with “what?” written all over his face.

“I need to know what we’re doing.”

“We’re having sex.”

“Is that all?”

“Of course not.”

“Cho.”

Cho got close to Jane, stood face to face.  “I love you, Patrick Jane, and I have wanted to make love to you since the day you told my stupid ex to beat it.” Cho said this with that authority he seemed to be able to conjure up when he needed it. 

Jane was momentarily stunned.  His whole body reacted, shivers from the back of his head to his toes.   “I love you, too, Cho.” Patrick tried to match Cho’s authoritative voice but he was too emotional. Cho just smiled, kissed Jane and said, “I know.”

They started kissing anew.  Cho lifted one of Jane’s thighs up to his waist, grinding slowly into Jane.  Jane smiled and wrapped his arms around him.  Cho lifted Jane’s other thigh too, picking him right up, spinning around just because he could.  Jane felt a little dizzy and a little crazy.  More happy than he’d been, ever.  Jane kissed him and he never wanted to stop. 

“My bed,” Cho said.

“Yeah” and they climbed up to Cho’s bunk.  Jane laid back on Cho’s pillow.  Cho grabbed the waistband of Jane’s boxers and started to pull them off.  He had to lift the elastic up and over Jane because he was already hard. He pulled them off.  Cho had wanted to suck Jane and he wasn’t going to wait any longer.  He was right there.  He held the base and sucked him in, enjoying the feel of him in his mouth.  He stayed there for a while then moved up Jane’s body to kiss him.  Jane liked the taste of himself on Cho.

“Take off….” Jane whispered as he reached for Cho’s boxers.  Cho took his off, too, and laid down on top of Jane, full body contact. 

“Let me know if anything hurts.  Like this, is this okay?” He was holding himself up on his elbows.

Jane nodded.  “I’m good.”  He reached up and ran his hands over the muscles of Cho’s shoulder and down his sides.  Jane loved touch when it was private. Cho was running his hand through Jane’s hair when he leaned down to kiss Jane along his neck and then across his collar bone.  He had moved over so he could drag his cock along Jane’s and back.  He did that a few times, and Jane rolled his hips. Jane dropped his legs open and Cho fell into his warmth. They groaned together.  Then he nudged Jane with the tip of his cock.

“Can I?” he whispered.

“Please,” Jane panted.

“Ung. Say that again.” Cho said quickly.

Jane leaned up so he could whisper in Cho’s ear.

“Please fuck me.” He followed that with sucking on Cho’s earlobe and kissing his neck. Cho whined as the spark wound its’ way around his spine.  He dug around under his pillow and came up with a condom.  He opened it with his teeth.

“Can I do that?” Jane wanted to put it on for him. When Cho hesitated, he added, “Please?”

“Oh, God,” Cho groaned as the sensations flashed through his abdomen, but handed over the condom.  Jane smiled, kissed Cho and whispered, “You like “Please”?”  Cho’s eyes rolled back in his head.

Jane sat up and felt for Cho’s cock, reaching down to feel his balls, too.  He held him steady, centered the condom and rolled it down.  He didn’t quite finish unrolling it, so Cho covered his hand and they finished putting it on together, kissing Jane at the same time. It was wildly intimate. Cho had no idea. Jane must have known. Cho rustled around the side of his bed and found the lube he stashed there.  He knelt back on his heels between Jane’s legs.  He curled himself over in an impressive move of flexibility and sucked Jane some more.   He was warm in his mouth and he bobbed up and down.  Jane rumbled, giving in to how good it felt.   

“I want….you inside me, ”Jane whispered finding breath difficult.

Cho nodded and kissed him and they kissed for quite a while as Jane ran his hands all over Cho.  Jane felt something that felt like a scar on Cho’s back and took note.  Now wasn’t the time to ask.  Cho sat up a little and found the lube again.  He put some on his cock and then covered the fingers of his right hand with it, last he poured a little on Jane.  Jane reached down and interlaced his fingers with Cho’s getting his own hand covered with the lube _.  So sensual, Jane is so sensual._   Then Jane bent his knee up and started fingering himself and it was Cho’s turn to nearly faint.  No one had ever done that with him before.  He sat back and watched in fascination, looking up to lock eyes with Jane.  Jane’s eyes were blown, even in the dark Cho could see the flush on his skin.  Cho leaned over kissed Jane again and he reached down and added his own finger and the two of them gently got Jane ready.  Cho didn’t know he could be this turned on. _God._

“Now, Cho”

They took their hands away and Cho pushed the tip of his cock inside Jane. They were panting but otherwise quiet.  They shifted around until Jane was on his back with his knees up, Cho between them, holding himself up on his arms.  Cho moved slowly, all kinds of buttons being pushed as he felt Jane relax and let him in because it was more like Jane was pulling him in, setting off little explosions down his spine. When he bottomed out, he opened his eyes to find Jane studying him.

“Don’t move yet,” Jane barely whispered.  He loved this moment, he loved this feeling, being connected. He pulled Cho into a full body hug, crossing his legs and arms behind Cho, holding him as close as humanly possible.  Cho went with it, he’d do whatever Jane asked. He tucked his hands under Jane pulling him even closer, lowering his head so they were ear to ear. Jane vibrated as he hummed. Cho was overwhelmed, his eyes misted up even as he fought it.  “Oh!” 

Jane gently rolled his hips back and Cho took it as a signal he was ready.  He started thrusting with small gentle moves.  Then he started pulling out further and further with every thrust.  He had to disentangle from Jane so he could prop himself up with his arms again.  He pulled nearly all the way out, then quickly back in, slapping them together.  He got faster, then slower, then faster again.  Jane gave himself over to it, bliss on his face.   When Cho started doing this twisty thing, Jane’s eyes flew open.   Cho dropped his head and concentrated.

“Cho” “Fuck” “Cho” “Fuck” Jane was chanting. He reached down to where they were connected to feel Cho slide in and out of him.  He used his arm to give his cock some friction.  Just a few more thrusts and “Aaaaaaahhhhh!” Jane came.  Cho kept thrusting, trying to make it last for Jane.  Jane’s skin turned from a light pink to practically red all over, his body was a mess of pins and needles, electricity and warmth, even his earlobes.  He was panting and moaning with every wave of sensation. 

Seeing Jane lose it, Cho made a sound that was a cross between a growl and a cry.  He buried himself in Jane and came. Jane caught his mouth with his, holding his face, licking in his mouth with his tongue.  Cho shook as Jane felt the pumping inside him.  He was still half-heartedly thrusting, like his body didn’t know how to stop. He fell on top of Jane, both breathing deeply, they melted together.   Cho loved everything about sex, but right afterwards was one of his favorite parts. It wasn’t exactly about cuddling, though.  He loved being completely exposed and still accepted.  He loved having the other person completely exposed and giving them acceptance.  Protected and protective.  He’d hadn’t had a lot of sex, but he’d learned what it meant for him if he wanted to leave as soon as he could or if he wanted to stay.  He’d learned what it meant for him if the other person left him.  He _never_ wanted to leave this bed.  _I want to be with Jane forever._

They lay together like that for a very long time. They were kinda stuck together.  They had to peel each other apart.  They giggled about it.  They climbed out of the bunk together and headed to the bathroom.  Jane turned on the shower and got in.  He opened the curtain when Cho didn’t join him.

“C’mere.  It’ll be faster,” Jane said sleepily.  They soaped themselves and each other all over. They slid their bodies together laughing.  They splashed each other with the water and kissed under the spray because it was fun.  They took turns completely rinsing off and got out. 

Jane put on his pajamas explaining that he’d never been able to sleep naked.  Cho put his on too and they decided they’d sleep together in Jane’s bed after pulling the sheets off of Cho’s and putting them in the laundry.  They kept Cho’s comforter, though, to be doubly warm.  Snuggled together, they slept like newborn babes. 


	8. New Year's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

Jane stretched and yawned while Cho slept on his chest.  Cho was heavy so he tried to turn onto his side and was mostly successful.  Cho turned all the way over becoming the little spoon.  Jane held him close and went back to sleep.  He didn’t stir again until he lost the warmth of Cho’s body when he got up to go to the bathroom.  Jane decided he’d take his chance and go too.  He came back to Cho holding the comforter up for him.  He climbed back in and they lay side by side in the coziness.  They spoke quietly to one another.

“Last night was amazing,” Jane started.

“Yeah, it was.  When you did that thing….” Cho agreed.

“And then the thing you did? Incredible.” Jane was smiling with the memory.

“We’re pretty good together”

“Yeah”

Jane sat up for the sole purpose of admiring Cho.  He took his fill, tracing his eyebrows and his mouth, running a finger down his nose.  Cho played with the unruly curls at the nape of his neck. “Those curls will be the end of me,” Cho whispered and Jane smiled gently.

“I love you,” Jane whispered. “I love you more than I know what to do with.” His eyes were the blue pools of emotion.

Cho’s beautiful brown eyes looked into those pools of ocean blue, “I love you, too,” he lifted up and kissed Jane gently and tenderly. 

They fell into round two.

That’s how they spent the day.  Round 2. Breakfast.  Round 3.  Netflix.  Round 4.  Nap. Food. Round 5, etc.  They made love on Jane’s bed.  They made Cho’s and made love there. They made love in the shower.  They made love against the wall, in their chair, anywhere.   One glance from either of them and they were all over each other.   Not a bad start to the year.

Jane wanted to ask about Cho’s scar all day.  His hands wouldn’t leave it alone, constantly finding it, even when he didn’t want to make it obvious.  He was saved by Cho, who of course noticed.

“Do you want me to tell you?” Cho didn’t even have to say what he meant.

“Only if you want.” Jane knew what he was asking.

“I had been ordered to rough up a couple guys. Send a message.  Territorial crap.  I caught the one guy unawares and took him down easily, he took off with his tail between his legs.  The other one had been watching.  I didn’t even know he was there.  He attacked and we fought.  I kept landing punches and he wouldn’t drop.  I fought harder and had him down a couple times.  He always managed to throw me off.   That’s when he pulled a knife.”

Jane’s eyebrows raised in concern. “Oh my God, Cho”

“I know.  This guy was fast and tall and built.  He was slashing at me with the knife in his hand. I heard it swoosh through the air.   I knew if he made contact, he’d gut me with it.  I avoided the knife over and over, but one time I turned at the last instant and he sliced into my back, right through my leather jacket.”

Jane’s eyes were as big as saucers.

“I wasn’t going to win this fight, Jane.  But I somehow got him on the ground, and I knew it wouldn’t last. There was only one way to stop him.  That’s when I pulled my gun.”

“Cho, you don’t have to tell me this.  I didn’t mean….”

“No, I’ve never told anyone…”

Jane was quiet.

“I had him, Jane.  I had him pinned to the ground and I had the gun to his head.  All I had to do was pull the trigger.”  Cho’s face was contorted with the same frustration and anger he felt that night. 

“That’s when I looked at him.  He was younger than me, Jane. Younger. A kid. I was threatening to kill a kid.  I was this close to killing a kid.  I got up and I ran.  I threw the gun away at some point and ran.  I didn’t stop until I passed out from pain and blood loss.”

Tears were running down Cho’s face.  Tears were running down Jane’s too, but he let him finish his story.

“A good Samaritan found me on a sidewalk and called 911. I woke up the next day in the hospital with 25 stitches on my lower back. I got out of the hospital.  Told the gang boss he’d never see me again. He saw me as a threat anyway.  He swore he’d kill me if he ever saw me again.  I returned the sentiment.”

Jane scooped him up into his arms and held Cho.  He cried over the old memory, the old wound that had scarred over just as much as the skin on his back.  “Sorry, so sorry” Jane repetitively shushed in Cho’s ear.  He hoped Cho understood that he was sorry that happened, sorry Cho had gotten to that point in his life, sorry he made him talk about it, sorry he'd gotten hurt, just sorry about the whole thing. Cho settled down and sat up and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand.  “It’s ok. I needed to tell someone.” He shook his body in an effort to regroup.  “Worst night of my life.”

“You are an amazing person, Cho. You beat the odds. You’re the exception to the rule,” Jane said firmly.  He wasn’t complimenting him so much as telling him the truth.  He was looking at him like Cho hung the moon in the sky.

“My knight in shining armor,” Jane said with a smile on his face.

“Oh, shut up, ” Cho smiled back and playfully shoved him.

“What? You saved that kid.  You saved me. You saved yourself, ” Jane said, “pretty shiny armor if you ask me.”

“So you’re the damsel in distress in this scenario?” Cho deadpanned.

Jane put the back of his hand to his forehead. “Oh, rescue me, you big, strong, hunk of a man,” Jane said in a high pitched parody of a damsel.

Cho laughed and tackled him onto the bed and kissed that stupid voice right out of his mouth.

 

....and they were on to Round 6.


End file.
